Does Virginity Work?

I just read an article by Mark Driscoll on Dating, Relating, and Fornicating. Because I don't always agree with his word choices and in my opinion, mishandling of some "hot button" issues, I was surprised to find some interesting study results within his post that, at least scientifically, solidified my opinions on dating and marriage (For said opinions, see posts "How To Land a Wife," "Head vs. Heart - Marriage and Cynicism," and maybe "Surprised by Love" for some background).


Mr. Driscoll can be blunt and offensive, sometimes lacking the grace required to deliver the type of loving correction that people are naturally more receptive to. I don't want to get into a debate about who's team I'm on, or whether I'm a Neo-Calvinist or a Neo-Puritan, because I think we're all on the same team. Mark means well and I have grace for him, because I too have the propensity to pop off at the mouth when I think I'm right. I just wanted to share some statistics from his post that may or may not guide your actions and better your life. Here is the excerpt I'm talking about:

Culture and Dating

Sex outside of marriage is now the norm, a huge change from just a century ago. Today, over 5 million couples cohabitate. This is up from 1 million in 1978. And this number doesn’t take into account the number of couples who don’t live together but who still stay over at each other’s places enough to be classified as cohabitators.

Here are some shocking statistics taken from my book, Religion Saves:

• An estimated quarter of unmarried women between the ages of 25 and 39 currently live with a partner.
• Half of unmarried women in the same age group have lived with a partner at some time.
• Over half of all first marriages are now preceded by cohabitation.
• The most likely people to cohabit are those aged 20 to 24.

This is problematic first because it is sin and against God’s design for sex, which is to be enjoyed in the context of marriage, but also for a number of practical reasons.

• Studies almost always find that cohabitation is associated with a higher divorce risk, with estimates ranging from 33 percent to 151 percent increased risk of divorce.
• Annual rates of depression among cohabitators are more than three times higher than married couples,
• Women in cohabitating relationships are twice as likely as married women to suffer physical abuse.
• Two studies found that women in cohabitating relationships are about nine times more likely to be killed by their partner than married women.
• Couples who cohabitate before marriage report less marital happiness and more conflict when married.

This is in contrast to couples who marry as virgins:

• Men who marry as virgins are 37 percent less likely to divorce.
• Women who marry as virgins are 24 percent less likely to divorce,
• Those who wait to have sex until marriage and remain faithful in marriage report higher levels of life satisfaction compared to adults who engage in premarital or adulterous sex.
• Those who wait to have sex and are faithful to their spouse also report notably higher happiness scores.

What do you think of these statistics?

The Seven-Year-Itch

They say married people tend to get restless at around the seven year mark. Apparently that's when the honeymoon is officially over for everyone. Sadly, too many couples are inclined to become unfaithful with each other because of this restlessness, and it comes at the cost of their marriage and well-being. I don't necessarily believe this for my marriage, because I'm inclined to believe we have something unique both situationally and relationship-wise, something that will hopefully keep us going to around the 70-year-itch mark. However, I've been feeling something of this restlessness in regards to the music/band portion of my life.


I've often viewed my band as a marriage between five people. In order for us to maintain a healthy band, we all have to put in equal work and maintain a high level of commitment. We have to strive together for common goals. We have to want the same things and work towards those goals. This is not unlike a healthy marriage. If one person isn't pulling their weight it throws the whole dynamic off-balance. When we're off balance we lose focus, start playing the blame game, get bitter, and ultimately stop striving towards those goals we once had in common. Being in a band has taught me a lot about compromise, patience and biting my tongue... all of which have proved extremely helpful in maintaining a healthy marriage. 


The Classic Crime formed in late February of 2003. We are currently in our seventh year of writing and playing songs together. Our lives up until this point have been defined by this single task. We've hoped and celebrated and struggled and fought through situations together without even one member change. We formed under the common goal that we felt this was our calling, and that we would do this until we just couldn't any more. I think our dedication and passion at the beginning are almost entirely to credit for how long we've stuck this out together. It was everyone-all-in with equal share and responsibility, with hopes that if we invested ourselves fully that the best lay ahead of us. Each of us took ownership of our music and the process. We dropped out of school and worked part time jobs so we could practice daily. We spent our time writing and re-writing, demoing, gigging, struggling like every local band does. When we were with friends we'd have guitars and play songs, we'd spend hours every night just free-styling music. It wasn't a chore, or a job, it was what we loved to do so we lived it. I can honestly say that without that passion and love for music there is absolutely no chance that I'd be sitting in a van right now with the same five guys. You'd be hard pressed to find a five-piece band in this day and age that has made it this far fully intact. We are fully intact, but it feels as though the glue is wearing out. Maybe it's that seven-year-itch.


Albatross didn't really take us to the level we'd hoped, and neither did The Silver Cord, or Vagabonds. I've always believed we are blessed to do this, but you can imagine the daunting task of setting your hopes high just to have them fall short time and again can be wearing on your senses. We have all lived in poverty for these seven years, and I've watched the steady decline of hope in my band mates. First goes hope, then joy. People get less and less excited for shows and tours and songs we're writing, because the chances that it will change our situation are slim. We no longer hope for the best because we no longer want to get crushed. We preempt disappointment with lower standards. We reassure ourselves that everything will go terribly wrong in the off chance it doesn't and we're pleasantly surprised. If that sounds depressing it's because it is. It's no way to live.


Somewhere along the way a trend set in. Something clicked, and my band-mates started slowly divesting in our music and our goals as a band, and started investing in their plan B's. I don't blame them, it's only wise to have a back-up plan when you look at how record sales are trending these days. So they started picking up steadier jobs and going back to school, accruing more monthly bills to try to maintain some semblance of normal life. Because of these things we tour less, practice less, and we rarely write songs with all of us in one room. I can tell they still care about our band and our fans, but they do at less of a capacity because of their other investments and obligations.


The more they divest the more I have to invest. But sadly, I can't do it all. I still believe that music is my calling, and I won't go chase down the comforts of civil life at the cost of my purpose. Because of this I became responsible for writing and demoing 80% of The Silver Cord and 90% of Vagabonds. I don't like the extra responsibility, I actually prefer everyones input, I prefer the "everyone-all-in" mentality more, but the show must go on, and the bulk of the work-load in the last few years has rested on my shoulders. Somewhere along the way this became a job. It feels like the flare and the excitement are limited to tracking new music, and the rest just boils down to business. It's less "let's take on the world together" and more "I hope Matt writes a hit so I can quit my day job." 


I know that may sound snide, but the truth is this marriage isn't as healthy as it once was. The hope is gone. You could ask the majority of my band members and they would tell you, "If it happens it happens, if not, well, at least I have a back up plan." And I don't blame them at all. I have no bitterness. I've had that feeling before as well, but now I have this itch to create, move, grow, expand. I have no backup plan. 


I've been itching for the passion we once had, the excitement that comes with be a part of something greater than yourself. I don't want a solo project, because it can only be as good as myself... I want to be a part of something where everyone brings 100%. Maybe it's TCC, maybe it isn't.


Maybe this is the Seven-Year-Itch. I can't tell you what will come of scratching it, maybe we just make a great record with TCC, everyone-all-in. In our down time I've been producing and writing music with people who do it because they love it, and it's inspiring... I long to be surrounded with people who don't see music as a chore or a Plan B. People who make music because it makes them feel alive, not because it's expected of them. Maybe we can tap into that again. I hope so.


I don't know if the honeymoon is officially over for us, or if it's a seven year cycle and we're entering a new, better one. What I know for sure is that if I'm going to make music I want it to make it with people who are as dedicated as I am to not only the finished product but to the calling on their lives.

Head vs. Heart : Marriage and Cynicism

I'm always fascinated by the cynicism in our culture. It's not the classic bitter cynicism, the stuff our grandparents had, but a more modern to-each-his-own, there-is-no-truth cynicism. We live in a culture where true life-long love is scarce and becoming more like a fantasy than an attainable reality. The idea of Ultimate Truth is becoming referred to more and more as an ignorant, fascist idea of the past. We are the newly enlightened, the culture that surpasses all previous cultures. We even defy our natural roles and any traditional institutions because 'we're advanced and there are no rules but the rules we make.' I wonder why we think we're so special, like we have it all figured out. Is it technology? Has it got us feeling like mini-gods? It's true, the power of man is impressive, our scientific knowledge has never been as well documented and advanced. I'm often blown away by what my phone can do, or how far I can travel in just one day, and it's all happened so fast. Has it caused us to worship ourselves? I just ask because it seems like "Self" is our primary focus.


I wonder where all this progressive-thought is taking us, because it seems to me like we're becoming less and less a people of morals and conviction and more and more like a "whatever-works-for-you" culture. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not a conservative whistle-blower, I'm a staunch centrist who believes in selflessness. I believe in simple characteristics that are universally agreed upon as good. Characteristics that are scarce in our culture. The problem with the "whatever-works-for-you" type of culture is that it's focused on YOU. Our problem is an extremely selfish one. Things like honor, servitude, purpose, love, integrity and respect are becoming identified less like characteristics to strive for and more like a television commercial for the Army; fairy-tale-ish, naive and old-fashioned. It seems to me like our generation could be defined as restless and lonely, "tolerant" but with no meaning or purpose. The pills we take help us to remain unconcerned with what our ancestors might have deemed important. We've allowed our minds to drag our hearts through the existential muck to some lonely island on which we spend our days convincing our hearts that it's okay; Put off those pangs of longing, do away with those stabs of regret, distract that desperate unrest... Take this pill. After all we're advanced now, our brain says. You simply have to evolve, heart, and frankly you're taking your sweet time.


We are obsessed with self. The customer service industry has done this to us by telling us "The customer is always right." Our therapists, counselors and teachers have done this to us by telling us to "Do what's right for yourself." Our parents have done this to us by telling us to do "Whatever makes you happy." Of course this can be good advice at times, but when it's blitzing us constantly we start to think that whatever I want, I deserve (Watch "Sweet Sixteen" for real life examples). "Tolerance" we're told, is about being tolerant of different people regardless of their background or lifestyle choices, which I totally agree with, but being extreme beings we take it one step further. We elevate the individual and label any constructive critique, any careful warning, any nugget of wisdom to the contrary, however true it is, as "judgmental" and "intolerant." Now tolerance means "Everything-is-good-so-do-whatever-YOU-think-serves-YOU-best." In our culture truth is relative and self is god. We elevate self, and we're losing a lot of the principles that make people good people. We're becoming "whatever" people. We're selfish. We get married because of what we gain for ourselves, and not surprisingly that's also why we get divorced. We're constantly bombarded with outlets telling us that we are "#1," so much so that we start believing it. We flip our lids to the customer service person the second they tell us they can't help us. How dare they! I'm "#1!" (I love flipping my lid). What's incredibly ironic is that all this was bred in us under the ambiguous flag of "Tolerance," yet we have very little tolerance for those who would defy us.


Where has this selfishness left us as a generation? I'd say pretty sad and cynical. We have all the materials to be happy but it's not working. We still need to medicate our hearts. For some reason our heart won't go along with our head's propositions for attainable happiness. Where I live, you'd be hard pressed to find a twenty-something who really believes a marriage can work in this day and age, and what's even worse is that our divorced parents are feeding into this doubt, not just with their actions but with their advice. I have a friend who is loyally in love with his girlfriend but won't get married because his dad told him to "Never get married until you own property and dammit you should wait until you're older." Not surprisingly his dad was married out of high school without much to his name and his marriage failed, for whatever reason, but I'm sure it wasn't because he didn't own a house. He obviously created some notion about home-owning to disassociate himself from how both he and his ex-wife made a series of bad relational choices which led to divorce. What is more sad is that he's passed this notion onto his son, and how his son thinks it's as good as God's Word. So my friend has decided he's not going to be with anyone else but his current girlfriend, but has no plans to get married any time soon. Their relationship is at a standstill commitment-wise, and who knows how long that plateau is. People say the next step is moving in together, but I say that's the best way to not get married (or when you finally do, it'll probably be out of obligation rather than joy and excitement). You need to work up an appetite before you eat dinner, let alone dessert. I know that opinion will offend some people because you're living with your hope-to-be-spouse. I'm not trying to be narrow, I know there are many ways to do things (heck, we're doing things way different than our parents did, probably at least a few of them are wrong). But ask yourself, if you're not married, why? List the reasons. The only valid reason is the "I don't love them" reason (and maybe the "I'm only 16" reason, please wait until you're at least 21). All those other little fears don't add up to much, and are probably just cultural biases that hold no real water. Contrary to what you may have heard you do not need to own a home to commit your life to a person.


Kristie has an acquaintance at work who lives with his girlfriend and has been with her for five years. When Kristie asked him if they were going to get married he hemmed and hawed about how "Yeah I guess, but she has debt and so do I, and my mom told me never to bring debt into a marriage." Not surprisingly, his mom is divorced. She obviously developed some notion that debt ruins marriages to disassociate herself from the fact that she and her ex-husband made a series of relational choices that screwed it up. What's even worse was that her son seems entirely unexcited about marriage. I mean, he already lives with her, so that whole butterflies thing? That whole giddiness of starting a life together? That whole "new adventure?" That's all gone. He's got the prize without the ceremony, without the party, so why celebrate now? His life won't change, if anything (and this is what our culture tells us) it will change for the worse. The cynics in our culture have endless jokes about the "ball and chain" and the lack of freedom, constantly hinting that "Your life is over now, man." The stigma is that people get married and stop having fun. They stop going out, stop socializing and stop enjoying life. Their dreams die. This stigma is conceived and trumpeted by cynics born of failed marriages. It's not a stigma based on wisdom, it's a stigma based on wounds.


When Kristie and I got married five years ago we had nothing. We had debt. We didn't own property or have any assets. All we had was each other. Despite all of our parents warnings that "You can't live on love," we proved that we could. When we got married our real adventure started. We didn't want kids right away, we just wanted to live together, to do life together, to go on an adventure as partners with no pressure to fit into what society deemed "normal." She took off on tour with me for a year. We lived in a van. Was it hard at times? Yes, but also so incredibly rewarding to work through those times together. There's nothing like growing up with someone you're in love with. Since then we've lived in four apartments and two others in-between. We've travelled the country, experienced the city one neighborhood at a time, and we've made and kept many friends. We maintain an incredible social life, mostly with unmarried people. Getting married by no means has to mean that now you're old, boring, washed up and your fun years are behind you (That happens when you have kids - kidding!). Sure, I had fun as a bachelor living in a house with a bunch of guys, but if I went back there now I'd probably hate it. Who wants to be nineteen until they're thirty-five? That's the real tragedy of our generation, people who refuse to act any more responsible than they did ten years ago. I can always have those weekends with the boys, and I have those tours with the boys, but I'm always so glad to come home. My adventure with my wife has been the best adventure of my life. It's the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had. It's given me purpose, drive and character far beyond any other friendship. Marriage is about starting a lifelong adventure with someone, dedicating your life to them, and promising to love them no-matter-what. It's not what the cynics say it is (unless you take their crappy advice). The marriages that effected them failed because of dishonesty, selfishness, pride, bitterness and unfaithfulness. When two people enter into a relationship willing to give their all for their spouse it is one of the most fulfilling things than anyone can experience.


Maybe it's because I live in Seattle, home of the most pretentious, progressive hipsters in the country, but it is so incredibly sad to see people miss out on this, and for silly reasons at best. We see people go from fling to fling without actually experiencing true intimacy, we see them fearful of marriage based on the faults of our parents generation and silly fears like debt and property ownership, and all we want to do is tell them it doesn't have to be like that. We aren't so enlightened that we no longer believe in true love, that we no longer believe in marriage. We're just damaged, trained to be selfish. Slaves to strange fear-based ideologies born only in the last fifty years. We aren't enlightened, we aren't any more special or smart than those who lived hundreds or thousands of years ago. They were wise back then, and it would probably do us some good to read up on that wisdom, starting with the best definition of love that I've ever read (written around two-thousand years ago):

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

Surprised By Love

I don't mean to  brag or sound fatalistic but I know what true love feels like, at least in the capacity that one person can feel it for another. It's this feeling I have in my chest when I watch Kristie sleep next to me. It's a sudden rush of emotions, a longing to protect her, to do right by her. There is no hesitation when I think of dying for her, however painful or humiliating, if it is to spare her any suffering then sign me up. The connection that we have runs deep, and we've been working on it for a decade. It is scary to think where I would be without her.

I used to think that after you marry someone you truly love the honeymoon eventually fades and you develop a sort of "family love," or some sort of deep mutual respect for each other that is for the most part unromantic. I was willing to accept that type of love, I just wanted to spend my life with Kristie. To my pleasant surprise (and by the grace of God) I was wrong. The thing about this feeling is that it has grown stronger every year of our marriage. In fact, this feeling has grown stronger every year since we met in the summer of 2000.

Well, technically we met in the summer of 1998, but we didn't fall in love then. I was fifteen and I'd made my annual trek to summer camp that year with my friend BJ. Summer camp, also called Daybreak Point Bible Camp, was located on Anvil Island; a small island off the coast of British Columbia, Canada. I'd been going since I was nine years old, first to an all-boys camp, and then later to the co-ed camps. It's an incredibly beautiful and isolated place that is only accessible by boat, so for myself and the rest of the campers it was like a week-long escape from reality. The campground was equipped with a boat dock, a swim dock, a water trampoline and a huge slide, a dozen or so cabins, a big dining hall, a semi-indoor gymnasium, a soccer-sized upper field and a very nice state-of-the-art chapel. For an entire week it's just the campers and staff for twenty-four hours a day, so you get to know people pretty well. BJ and I were the only "Americans" there that year, I say "Americans" because I think technically I was still a Canadian (I'd been going to the camp there ever since I'd lived in Canada). Anyhow, we were both fifteen and probably a touch on the older side as we were only a year younger than some of the counsellors. 

For that week BJ and I were very popular. That's the thing about camp, you can reinvent yourself. However unpopular you are back at home, you are given the rare opportunity to convince a new set of people that you are incredibly cool. We did this by playing up how foreign we were to the locals, and by being extremely competitive in all the events. We also had the ideal American bleach-blond hair to boot (it was hot back then). We were instant hits. Our age and maturity entitled us to hang out with some of the staff at times, and they were equally intrigued by our supposed awesomeness. One of the staff members (a sports crew girl named Kristie) took a liking to us. I can remember Kristie, BJ and I hanging out on the front porch of our cabin during free time. Like with any other girl, BJ and I would sort of passive-aggressively compete for attention, but for the most part we just viewed her as a friend. She was a year older and fun to hang out with, but that was all. So the fairy-tale goes that Kristie and I did not fall in love at first sight.

I went back to camp the next year and entered the LIT (Leader In Training) program. I made some incredible friends during this time, some of which I am still in contact with. I had a lot of fun that year, and I felt like I was close to God. I felt like I was really experiencing some spiritual growth. Kristie was a counsellor that year, and was apparently in a relationship with somebody. As I recall we only exchanged a few words the entire week, and I remember thinking she looked sad. I didn't dwell on it though, because I was busy having crushes on some other girls in the LIT program.

The next year came along and my friends from the LIT program and I became full on staff. We took on the dish pit after meals like a bunch of animals, singing old U2 songs at the top of our lungs as we cleaned the campers dishes. I remember what it was like to serve and serve joyfully. We laughed, sang and sprayed each other with water as we worked. We loved cleaning dishes. We also led the music that year as all of us were musicians as well. It was a great combo, to serve the kids practically and then to serve them spiritually. I remember being struck with how important service was, especially for my soul. It left me with a very calming sense of peace in my heart.

That year nobody could stay away from our group. Our joy was infectious, and we we're bent on distributing it. Kristie, a counsellor again, was one of the other staffers who appreciated our work and so she started hanging out with us. 

As work crew we were a part of helping the program staff and the sports crew set up games. We were the utility men, so as fate would have it one day I was up in the gym watching kids frantically sort through a giant pile of footwear for the missing half to their individual pairs. I say fate, because I was sitting about ten feet from Kristie. In the midst of all the hullabaloo, I glanced over and noticed she was visibly upset. So, in some adolescent attempt to cheer her up, I took my Nike sandal off and tossed it at her (don't ask why, I was emotionally stunted at the time). It very lightly bounced off her shoulder and tears started to well up in her eyes. I don't know what came over me, but I quickly I went up to her and said, "Lets walk." I knew that something was wrong and that she should probably talk about it. I also knew that in front of the campers was probably not the best place to talk. So we walked down the path away from the gym, and as we walked she explained that some other staffer had told her she wasn't doing a good job at counseling. Kristie had taken it quite personally as she cared very much for her campers that year. We talked about that for a bit, and then the conversation led to other things. I remember sitting in the empty rifle range talking about life, family, struggles and dreams. We were shocked to find that we were both from a family of ten, and that our families were similar in so many ways. We found a lot in common as we shared our lives with each other, and I think we ended up on a cabin porch a few hours later with our friends suspiciously asking, "Where have you two been?"

As much as we liked hanging out with each other, she apparently had a boyfriend waiting for her at home. On the last day as we boarded the boat everyone got each others contact info. Not wanting the week to end, we decided our group should hang out for the weekend in Vancouver before we went our separate ways. Over the weekend, Kristie inadvertently left her bible in my car. When I found it I wrote this in it (unedited):

8/25/00

-Christie-

Is that how you spell it? I'm sitting in my car an Cosmos is driving. Thats the reason why my writing is so messy. I just wanted to let you know that I think you're the raddest person, even rugged, if I may say so. I may be younger, but I'm still madly in love with you. Honestly, would I lie to you? Oh, I just realized it's spelt Kristie... Oh welp. I want you to know that when I am a millionaire (thats in American dollars) I will hunt you down and marry you.

(heart) YANKEE

P.S. Don't let yer boyfriend see this. I prefer my limbs not broken...

posse out!

"Rugged" was a term that had been recently coined at camp. It meant "Cool." And "Posse out" was how we said goodbye that year. Yankee was my nickname, and Cosmos was the nickname of my friend Steve.

However funny I attempted to make the letter, I remember secretly hoping she would find it and initiate something with me (I was a wimp). When we were hanging out at a friends house the next night, she found it (with the help of said friend) and she asked me about it. On the front porch she was very forward with me, "Were you serious about how you feel about me?" I remember being very shy, and after a few hours and beating around the bush I finally told her I liked her and I'm not sure what that means but I think it'd be cool to talk once in awhile. She went home and broke up with her boyfriend, and the rest is history (a lot of history, too much to divulge at this juncture). My friend Mike recalls me coming home from camp and saying, "I found a girl, and I think I could marry her." I was seventeen years old. Everyone laughed at us, but here we are, almost ten years later. We're married and our love is stronger than ever.

Again, I don't mean to sound fatalistic, but I believe the stars aligned for me. The feeling was there from the beginning, and it was almost like it was destined. I had prayed nightly for someone exactly like her, someone who could understand me and love me as she did. What's also noteworthy is that Kristie's mom and dad met at the exact same camp (fate maybe?). I honestly think God placed her specifically in my life at that exact time, because He knew I needed someone specifically like her. Since then I've made a ton of mistakes and without the influence of Kristie in my life I wouldn't most definitely not be here right now. I was quite rebellious in my teenage years, and she loved me through many of my faults. I am by nature a pretty unstable person, but for some reason Kristie causes me to well up with a sense of responsibility. Even in her own instability, she causes me to be stable. More than that I've been blessed with an incredible feeling of deep and often unexplainable love. It's tremendously fulfilling.

Everyone wants to be understood and respected... everyone wants to be known. There is nothing more valuable to receive from another human being than true love; the unadulterated sense of being fully known and fully admired. True human love is the experience of every flaw being completely known and completely overlooked at the same time. Who doesn't want that?

Love doesn't grow on trees, it doesn't happen overnight. It slowly and steadily grows when two hearts are committed to serving each other and working through the issues that inevitably arise. The result is an incredible reward; the complete fulfillment of a few very powerful human desires. God designed it this way so that sacrifice would reap the most gain. A successful relationship is a picture of Jesus. Jesus, who sacrificed himself for us, fully knows us, fully forgives us, and fully accepts us. The bible is clear that we are to love each other like this.

John 15: 12-13 says,

This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

And 1 John 3:16 says,

This is how we have come to know love: the Messiah gave his life for us. We, too, ought to give our lives for our brothers.

As I have fallen more and more in love with Kristie I have been more enlightened to just how much God must love us. I would die for Kristie because she loves me and gives me so much, and I love her and would do anything to spare her from suffering. The feeling I have for her is very strong, but this feeling is presumably nothing compared to a God who would lay down his own perfect human life for ungrateful, unloving people. My glimpse of true human love is just a tiny inkling of the Love that God is capable of, and to experience that tiny fraction is extremely inspiring.

The power of love continually surprises me. As I downplay it, it upstages me. They say you can't live on love, but I have proof that in a sense you can. We've been living on love for four years, many times not knowing where the money for bills will come from, but God in his love takes care of us. So we continue to try to love each other in the way He displays His love for us, and we continue to live blessed lives. There are always ups and downs, but we always get through because our love for each other remains constant.

It might sound cheesy, but I wish this type of love on everyone.