Smoke, Drink, Cuss

Since the Jesus Movement in the seventies, the average church-going Christian could probably be outwardly defined in action as someone who doesn't drink, smoke, or use rough language - a fact that has kept pastors awake at night and inspired thousands of sermons. 

It's not because the conviction to not drink, smoke or cuss is a bad conviction, it's because the average Christian is defined by inaction rather than action, a problem that Jesus spoke so passionately against.

I can see the heart of the conviction to not do certain things. It's a good heart. Christians are called to live differently, and not drinking, smoking, or swearing is a practical way to show that you've set yourself apart. It's not just because the Bible says to watch your tongue and not be a slave to anything, it's also a great conversation piece, and I'm sure many a spiritual conversation got started when someone asked, "Hey Joe, I noticed you don't say the F word, you only drink soda at the bar, and you don't laugh at my dirty jokes... what's your deal man?" And Joe gets an opportunity to share his deal, which is Jesus, and that's a good thing because Jesus is good.

But somewhere along the way this inaction became the Gold Standard. The frosting on the cake became the entree, and church-going Christians all across the western church have been primarily viewed as people who don't do what other people do because of religious reasons.

There are a number of problems with this. One is that the same thing that attracts some people to christianity, this projected cleanliness, has at times alienated others. It's also caused self-righteousness (which is the most unattractive thing in he world), and it's been used as a ruler to judge a persons spiritual healthiness. "Do they drink, smoke, use coarse language? Then no, they're not walking with the Lord." I can't count how many times I've heard something along these lines. 

For a lot of church-going people, the definition of a true Christian means a person who does not drink, smoke, or use foul language.

I'd be remiss to not point out that one could define a Mormon, Muslim, or a Buddhist the same way. In fact, I'd wager that so many other religions do a much better job of "living righteously" when it comes to vices and speech. These are religions that would make the average western Christian uncomfortable to be categorized with, but when it comes to the category of inaction, most religions reflect the same values.

The problem is obvious. If the focus is on inaction - the list of things you don't do - then you are free to live your life however you want. What I'm saying is there are plenty of people who don't smoke, drink or cuss, but do business like the majority in every other aspect. They are viciously self-centered at work, stepping on anyone to get ahead. They do what benefits them the most regardless of who gets hurt (which is usually justified under the guise of "What's best for my family"). They value money the same way everyone else does. They criticize the underprivileged and justify not helping people. They are vindictive and prideful and selfish. Their coworkers would not define them as loving, gracious or compassionate.

So if Christian really does mean "Little Christ," we should probably see what Jesus said about all this, after all it's His name Christians carry. What does Jesus say about what our focus should be? Turns out he said a lot. In fact, the entire chapter of Matthew 23 is Jesus getting angry with the Pharisees, the religious elite in Israel at the time, because of their lack of focus on the things that truly mattered. They followed all of the outward aspects of the religion, tithing, fasting, wearing the garb of "holy people." But they did it for the wrong reasons, for selfish reasons, and they had long lost touch with what truly mattered.

If you haven't read the chapter you should. It's a pretty good one, because Jesus is the underdog sticking up for the little guy, and he gives the bully a lashing like he never had before. My favorite verse in the NIV translation is verse 23:

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. ²⁴ You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

Isn't that great? What wonderfully creative and harsh language. The truth is they were so religious and so focused on a thing like tithing - even down to their herb gardens! - that they forgot about justice, mercy, and faithfulness, the things Jesus says Christians should be characterized by. Of course, Jesus does validate Jewish law by saying "You should have practiced the latter without neglecting the former," so he's not saying don't tithe, tithing is a good thing, but only when done out of faithfulness. You have to have the right focus, otherwise you risk hypocrisy like the Pharisees did.

Over the last ten years or so we've seen a gradual change in the western church. People are meeting for Bible study in pubs, Bible college students are picking up a tobacco pipes to look more like C.S. Lewis, and even pastors have shortened their list of forbidden words. Of course this has been met with resistance, especially from some in our parents generation, who have always defined Christianity as an alcohol-free, smoke-free, slang-free way of life. They struggle to see any good in even moderate delineation from these staple rules, and I can't blame them. I can respect their conviction, especially when it's out of a heart of faithfulness and obedience. 

What is hard for me to put up with is the type of pressure, criticism and judgement that sucks the joy out of a room. If you look carefully you can read the underlying script at some wine-filled conservative Christian weddings. You can look around and see it in some of the guests eyes, it reads "We disapprove of this, and thus we cannot fully celebrate with you." 

I find it sad when people are so tainted with judgement that they cannot see the beauty in something. They can't see the beautiful moral of a story because the characters used harsh (realistic) language, they can't celebrate the beauty of a marriage because of champaign toasts, they can't connect with co-workers on a deeper level because they refuse to enter a bar. (Side note: When I was 11 years old I was kicked out of my Sunday school class for arguing with my teacher that Jesus would enter a bar and love the people inside. I still believe I'm right about that.)

Convictions in the grey area can be wonderful until you try to apply them to the group, and then they start inhibit beauty and joy and love and all things good. We should be giving a reason for the hope that we have, not giving a reason for why we don't say the S-H word when referring to poop. Hope is beautiful, so let's make it part of the entree. Who really gives a shit about poop anyways.

In the last ten years there has been a movement in Christian culture trying to shift the focus from inaction to action. Some Christians are trying not to major in the minors anymore, and that means that loving, passionate people who give their time to the church and put others before them also enjoy a beer with friends and don't get offended when someone drops an F-bomb. 

I think this is a good thing. 

I also think it's a good thing that those who have convictions follow them when it comes to their personal choices. If you have convictions for not drinking, don't drink. Have a Diet Coke or something. The problem arises when we want to blanket a group of people with our personal convictions. We want to play God and decide what is wrong and right for everyone, but the Bible leaves a pretty grey area when it comes to consuming alcohol or using slang (For my opinion on language use, see blog post Profanity vs Slang), but one thing Jesus is very clear on is criticism. He starts out Matthew 7 saying this:

 ¹ “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.   ³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

I think the point is you'll never get the plank out of your own eye. We'll never be righteous enough to be justified in our criticism of our brothers and sisters. Or perhaps the point is that the action of trying to pick the speck out of our brothers eye reveals the fact that something in our own souls is fundamentally flawed. That if we were truly living right, we would never criticize our brothers and sisters on the grey-area issues. Perhaps our criticism reveals the plank in our eye, the plank that is our lack of focus on the fundamental dietary staples that Jesus laid out for the Christian life. Our focus should be inward. Jesus was very clear when he said "Do not judge," so why do we allow judgement to run rampant in our churches?

I think we have to take a hard line on things like love, mercy, justice and faithfulness, and leave a lot of wiggle room for the little things. The Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13:

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 

and then...

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

It doesn't matter what you don't do, it doesn't even matter what you DO do, if you don't have love, whether in inaction OR action, your efforts are meaningless. Plain and simple.

Everyone will be convicted in a different way about the grey area, and we can't be quick to judge or criticize those who think differently than we do about the "frosting" issues. We have to show love. 

So for those who lean conservative, don't go sucking the joy out of the room when not everybody follows your convictions, and those who lean liberal, don't go criticizing those who choose to abstain. 

Let their hearts decide what is best, but in all things, may we have love.

Head vs. Heart : Marriage and Cynicism

I'm always fascinated by the cynicism in our culture. It's not the classic bitter cynicism, the stuff our grandparents had, but a more modern to-each-his-own, there-is-no-truth cynicism. We live in a culture where true life-long love is scarce and becoming more like a fantasy than an attainable reality. The idea of Ultimate Truth is becoming referred to more and more as an ignorant, fascist idea of the past. We are the newly enlightened, the culture that surpasses all previous cultures. We even defy our natural roles and any traditional institutions because 'we're advanced and there are no rules but the rules we make.' I wonder why we think we're so special, like we have it all figured out. Is it technology? Has it got us feeling like mini-gods? It's true, the power of man is impressive, our scientific knowledge has never been as well documented and advanced. I'm often blown away by what my phone can do, or how far I can travel in just one day, and it's all happened so fast. Has it caused us to worship ourselves? I just ask because it seems like "Self" is our primary focus.


I wonder where all this progressive-thought is taking us, because it seems to me like we're becoming less and less a people of morals and conviction and more and more like a "whatever-works-for-you" culture. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not a conservative whistle-blower, I'm a staunch centrist who believes in selflessness. I believe in simple characteristics that are universally agreed upon as good. Characteristics that are scarce in our culture. The problem with the "whatever-works-for-you" type of culture is that it's focused on YOU. Our problem is an extremely selfish one. Things like honor, servitude, purpose, love, integrity and respect are becoming identified less like characteristics to strive for and more like a television commercial for the Army; fairy-tale-ish, naive and old-fashioned. It seems to me like our generation could be defined as restless and lonely, "tolerant" but with no meaning or purpose. The pills we take help us to remain unconcerned with what our ancestors might have deemed important. We've allowed our minds to drag our hearts through the existential muck to some lonely island on which we spend our days convincing our hearts that it's okay; Put off those pangs of longing, do away with those stabs of regret, distract that desperate unrest... Take this pill. After all we're advanced now, our brain says. You simply have to evolve, heart, and frankly you're taking your sweet time.


We are obsessed with self. The customer service industry has done this to us by telling us "The customer is always right." Our therapists, counselors and teachers have done this to us by telling us to "Do what's right for yourself." Our parents have done this to us by telling us to do "Whatever makes you happy." Of course this can be good advice at times, but when it's blitzing us constantly we start to think that whatever I want, I deserve (Watch "Sweet Sixteen" for real life examples). "Tolerance" we're told, is about being tolerant of different people regardless of their background or lifestyle choices, which I totally agree with, but being extreme beings we take it one step further. We elevate the individual and label any constructive critique, any careful warning, any nugget of wisdom to the contrary, however true it is, as "judgmental" and "intolerant." Now tolerance means "Everything-is-good-so-do-whatever-YOU-think-serves-YOU-best." In our culture truth is relative and self is god. We elevate self, and we're losing a lot of the principles that make people good people. We're becoming "whatever" people. We're selfish. We get married because of what we gain for ourselves, and not surprisingly that's also why we get divorced. We're constantly bombarded with outlets telling us that we are "#1," so much so that we start believing it. We flip our lids to the customer service person the second they tell us they can't help us. How dare they! I'm "#1!" (I love flipping my lid). What's incredibly ironic is that all this was bred in us under the ambiguous flag of "Tolerance," yet we have very little tolerance for those who would defy us.


Where has this selfishness left us as a generation? I'd say pretty sad and cynical. We have all the materials to be happy but it's not working. We still need to medicate our hearts. For some reason our heart won't go along with our head's propositions for attainable happiness. Where I live, you'd be hard pressed to find a twenty-something who really believes a marriage can work in this day and age, and what's even worse is that our divorced parents are feeding into this doubt, not just with their actions but with their advice. I have a friend who is loyally in love with his girlfriend but won't get married because his dad told him to "Never get married until you own property and dammit you should wait until you're older." Not surprisingly his dad was married out of high school without much to his name and his marriage failed, for whatever reason, but I'm sure it wasn't because he didn't own a house. He obviously created some notion about home-owning to disassociate himself from how both he and his ex-wife made a series of bad relational choices which led to divorce. What is more sad is that he's passed this notion onto his son, and how his son thinks it's as good as God's Word. So my friend has decided he's not going to be with anyone else but his current girlfriend, but has no plans to get married any time soon. Their relationship is at a standstill commitment-wise, and who knows how long that plateau is. People say the next step is moving in together, but I say that's the best way to not get married (or when you finally do, it'll probably be out of obligation rather than joy and excitement). You need to work up an appetite before you eat dinner, let alone dessert. I know that opinion will offend some people because you're living with your hope-to-be-spouse. I'm not trying to be narrow, I know there are many ways to do things (heck, we're doing things way different than our parents did, probably at least a few of them are wrong). But ask yourself, if you're not married, why? List the reasons. The only valid reason is the "I don't love them" reason (and maybe the "I'm only 16" reason, please wait until you're at least 21). All those other little fears don't add up to much, and are probably just cultural biases that hold no real water. Contrary to what you may have heard you do not need to own a home to commit your life to a person.


Kristie has an acquaintance at work who lives with his girlfriend and has been with her for five years. When Kristie asked him if they were going to get married he hemmed and hawed about how "Yeah I guess, but she has debt and so do I, and my mom told me never to bring debt into a marriage." Not surprisingly, his mom is divorced. She obviously developed some notion that debt ruins marriages to disassociate herself from the fact that she and her ex-husband made a series of relational choices that screwed it up. What's even worse was that her son seems entirely unexcited about marriage. I mean, he already lives with her, so that whole butterflies thing? That whole giddiness of starting a life together? That whole "new adventure?" That's all gone. He's got the prize without the ceremony, without the party, so why celebrate now? His life won't change, if anything (and this is what our culture tells us) it will change for the worse. The cynics in our culture have endless jokes about the "ball and chain" and the lack of freedom, constantly hinting that "Your life is over now, man." The stigma is that people get married and stop having fun. They stop going out, stop socializing and stop enjoying life. Their dreams die. This stigma is conceived and trumpeted by cynics born of failed marriages. It's not a stigma based on wisdom, it's a stigma based on wounds.


When Kristie and I got married five years ago we had nothing. We had debt. We didn't own property or have any assets. All we had was each other. Despite all of our parents warnings that "You can't live on love," we proved that we could. When we got married our real adventure started. We didn't want kids right away, we just wanted to live together, to do life together, to go on an adventure as partners with no pressure to fit into what society deemed "normal." She took off on tour with me for a year. We lived in a van. Was it hard at times? Yes, but also so incredibly rewarding to work through those times together. There's nothing like growing up with someone you're in love with. Since then we've lived in four apartments and two others in-between. We've travelled the country, experienced the city one neighborhood at a time, and we've made and kept many friends. We maintain an incredible social life, mostly with unmarried people. Getting married by no means has to mean that now you're old, boring, washed up and your fun years are behind you (That happens when you have kids - kidding!). Sure, I had fun as a bachelor living in a house with a bunch of guys, but if I went back there now I'd probably hate it. Who wants to be nineteen until they're thirty-five? That's the real tragedy of our generation, people who refuse to act any more responsible than they did ten years ago. I can always have those weekends with the boys, and I have those tours with the boys, but I'm always so glad to come home. My adventure with my wife has been the best adventure of my life. It's the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had. It's given me purpose, drive and character far beyond any other friendship. Marriage is about starting a lifelong adventure with someone, dedicating your life to them, and promising to love them no-matter-what. It's not what the cynics say it is (unless you take their crappy advice). The marriages that effected them failed because of dishonesty, selfishness, pride, bitterness and unfaithfulness. When two people enter into a relationship willing to give their all for their spouse it is one of the most fulfilling things than anyone can experience.


Maybe it's because I live in Seattle, home of the most pretentious, progressive hipsters in the country, but it is so incredibly sad to see people miss out on this, and for silly reasons at best. We see people go from fling to fling without actually experiencing true intimacy, we see them fearful of marriage based on the faults of our parents generation and silly fears like debt and property ownership, and all we want to do is tell them it doesn't have to be like that. We aren't so enlightened that we no longer believe in true love, that we no longer believe in marriage. We're just damaged, trained to be selfish. Slaves to strange fear-based ideologies born only in the last fifty years. We aren't enlightened, we aren't any more special or smart than those who lived hundreds or thousands of years ago. They were wise back then, and it would probably do us some good to read up on that wisdom, starting with the best definition of love that I've ever read (written around two-thousand years ago):

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

The Outside

Does anyone else feel like an outsider? Maybe you're playing along, acting within the cultural guidelines of whatever group you may associate with, but you never truly feel like you belong. I don't think I've ever felt like I "fit in," if there is such a feeling. Sure, I play the game to earn peoples respect, to have them accept me, but I don't feel like they know me any better because of it.

We all crave acceptance, respect and honor. We crave attention for who we are and we want to be known. Someone once told me that every artists motivating force is the desire to be loved by everyone. I think that might be true of everyone, not just artists. We've all felt an inkling of it at some point, that acceptance, and because of that we crave it more. Maybe you've felt it at camp, on a sports team, in a peer group, at church, in a relationship or friendship. We need it, and yet I'm convinced none of us truly feel it the majority of the time. Something tells me even the most magnetic, attractive and talented people probably still feel lonely and isolated. I'll bet they feel like they don't really fit into their peer groups. I've read countless books about famous artists and musicians and actors who took great risks to succeed, to be loved, only to end up alone, isolated, on the outside.

But then again maybe not everyone is like me. Maybe some people feel like they fit their peer groups fine. Maybe they feel deeply known and accepted. Maybe I'm projecting my own issues on everyone else because I want to relate. My parents were never really the tender emotional type, but my Dad once told me something my mom said to him years ago. She had warned him to be careful with me, because I was different and "emotional." I remember feeling really embarrassed by that. All I'd ever wanted was to fit in, and here was my mom saying I was different. My mom also told me when I was six years old I swore to her that I knew what people were thinking. I thought I could read minds. If you're wondering, I don't think I still have that skill. So I don't know, maybe I am different and "emotional." Maybe because I was a middle sibling in a large family I will always feel overlooked. Maybe I'll always feel on the outside. I'm not crying about it, I actually love what my circumstances have gifted me with. Something tells me I'm not alone though.

In our culture there is a lot of posturing and dishonesty. The one thing I hate more than lying is small talk. It seems people resolve to talk about things they don't really care about in some defensive maneuver to hide their true selves. The truth about you is scary, I don't care who you are, and our spineless society is more worried about social graces than true and honest relationships (see blog post "Friends Are What You Like"). With so much posturing and pretension, its hard to keep up with your "friends." If you don't come equipped with enough meaningless BS to spew out, the competitive nature of the conversation might cause you to lose some favor among said "friends." If you don't know your current pop culture or scene culture trivia, you could lose out on some serious ground gaining on the small-talk race-track. Now this isn't to say that all small talk is bad. You don't go up to someone and tell them your deepest darkest secret right after they say, "How's it going?" Its the obsession with the meaningless topics and the competition of it all that drives me crazy. Small talk should be a tool to get to real talk.

All this to say that if I am correct and other people are constantly feeling on the "outside," that perhaps part of the reason is the incredible lack of the true sense of community in Western Culture. I'm as mad at myself for this as I am at anyone else.

One place I do "fit in" is my marriage. By the grace of God I have a great one. The two of us together (Kristie and I) is an incredible thing to be a part of, and I am constantly learning more fascinating things about her. If I tried to explain it would only sound mushy. We've been married coming up on five years, and we've been together almost ten. Five years ago I never thought it could get better. I didn't think I could ever love her more, I was content to continue to love her at that same level for the rest of my life. Incredibly, I feel like my love for her is a thousand planes deeper than that level, and I was head over heels then. We are constantly learning more and more about each other, and we can be brutally honest with each other and still laugh until our stomachs hurt. Maybe thats why I have this desire to be a part of a community that is more, because I have an example of a relationship that has set the bar so high. Or maybe she's just the only person who has ever really attempted to know me and love me for who I truly am. Either way, and we say this all the time, we feel like puzzle pieces that fit perfectly. Now if I could only fit that way in all the other areas of my life...

I think the feeling of being on the outside is a strong motivation for good artists, however, great artists do art for art sake, and they aren't motivated by anything other than their passion for their work. Take a band for instance, struggling to make ends meat, trying to make a mark and be known. They get their shot on a major label and release their debut. Still, the record is written on the floors at friends houses and in their broken down van on the road. The record is full of realism, honest emotion and raw power. It's fueled by the tension between what is and what will be. People love the album. The band has created a niche in the music scene, people pack out shows to see them and they feel they are finally speaking the language of the people. They finally "fit in" to something that is ultimately greater than themselves. Excitement and expectations build as fans are anxious for a second release. Could it be greater than the first? It never is. Why? Take away that tension, and the second record flops. It's forced, it sounds like their chasing that first record, but they never can catch it, because it was honest and raw and fresh and different.

The best bands make music for musics sake. Album after album they put forth an honest effort. Some are better than others, yes, but you still anxiously await the next release because you know there are going to be cuts on it that will make you swell with emotion, that will lift your spirits or cut you to your soul.

So my challenge has been to not let the feeling of being on the outside control what I create. Luckily, we've always had the tension there (we've never been widely accepted), but even more fortunate is the fact that I haven't really caved to it. I haven't set out to write pop radio "hits" (whatever those are), or to fit into whatever scene is hot right now. I'd like to think I write from the heart, with a weird twist from the head and a sloppy scribble from the hand. I'd like the think I don't write to posture or impress or to appease anyone else. Maybe that has hurt us commercially, I don't know.

What I do know is that chances are I'm not alone. I'm not alone in feeling like I don't "fit in," because I know at least a couple people relate to our songs. At least a few people can understand and sing along as if the lyrics were meant for them. We can't all belong, but we can all not-belong together. We can share songs and sing along at the top of our lungs (that kind of rhymes). If that happens again on this new record, regardless of if we sell a million or a hundred copies, you can bet I'll be smiling.

Friends Are What You Like

You make good friends by having things in common them. You can bond over things you dislike, but in order to make it really work I think you have to enjoy the same things. Your friends are dictated very much by your definition of fun.

I see this in myself and with the people I make time for. I like long, meaningful conversations, so generally I like to spend time with people who like to converse. Sometimes I don't make friends very quickly, and I’ll admit that until I trust someone I will not go very deep with them. It can be hard to develop meaningful relationships with random folks in my line of work. For some, the bridge between fanship and friendship is short. For me, for whatever reason, it can be longer. It could take me minute to trust you, or a year, it all depends on how the conversations go. I like good conversations. I used to think house parties and keggers were fun, and thus my friends seemed to be people who enjoyed that same lifestyle. The point is, my definition of fun has changed, and so it seems my prerequisites for good friends.

I like people who are aware of their surroundings, who can take the temperature of the room and can engage in a conversation without being distracted. I like people who don't overtly break the rules, but don't necessarily follow them either. I like people who are impulsive. My idea of fun now just involves a handful of good friends. I no longer wish to roll the dice with strangers at a bar or a club. I want to meet people one at a time and have more focused relationships.

I was thinking about this recently as Kristie and I spent some time with a couple who are good friends. Jason and Jen are a few years older than us and have three kids. Lifestyle-wise we have very little in common, but somehow we still seem to connect on that deeper level. I think it has something to do with our idea of a good time. Both couples love good conversations. After everyone else leaves they stay, sometimes for hours, just to talk (It's the same when we go to their house, we can never get out of there at a decent hour). It’s as if they too are searching for a chance to experience one of those conversations that leaves you feeling energized and inspired. They relish the same things we do. Their definition of fun is consistent with ours, so when they visit, we expect a 2 A.M. departure. Sleep, work and the priorities of the morning become secondary and unimportant compared to our visits. Sometimes during these conversations we expose truths about ourselves that we wouldn’t otherwise expose, we laugh, we cry, you know, we say things that make us feel vulnerable. Without trust and friendship, doing this would make us ripe for injury and embarrassment, but in this case it just causes us to love each other more. It's been said that the greatest fuel for hate is ignorance. If that is true, would that make the greatest fuel for love awareness? How many of us are really aware of our friends struggles? How many of us make our friends aware of our own? I think "relational ignorance" is too common these days and it can really limit true friendship and love. It starves people of their life bread! How does one survive without a confidant or two?

Some people don’t want to be exposed, its uncomfortable, so they keep their friends at arms length and remain ignorant themselves. To be honest, I’m kind of tired of those people.

I'll be really honest here. I am extremely tired of people who are my age but maintain high school mentalities. I am tired of those whose passions come from gossip magazines and reality shows. I'm tired of those who think they know everything and have bought into the idea that life is ultimately about serving themselves. I am tired of those who seek their own comfort at the expense of everyone around them. I can't be friends with those people, because those people don't need friends. They need their friends to abandon them so that they can hit rock bottom. They need to hit rock bottom to find what life is really about. I am tired of selfish motivations. I am tired of fake, fickle, flakey "friends." I believe in the statement that life is about more than struggling to accumulate money to purchase things you don't need to impress people you don't even like. I know everyone needs love, perhaps these ones need a lot of love, but for a time I think these people need pain, and a hefty dose of it, otherwise they'll just die unhappy and alone. That's me being honest.

Back to the part about your friends being dictated by what you like. When I was thirteen, I got into online gaming and my friendships were formed mostly around that. When I was sixteen I got into partying, and thus, my friends became those who enjoyed that activity. It was the same with sports, drugs, music, church, etc. For the last six years most of my friends and I have shared the common bond of music. Good conversations, however, are one of my favorite activities, so regardless of the lifestyle inconsistencies I can enjoy a friendship with pretty much anyone who gets the same kick out of discussing things that matter. I'll go so far as to avoid situations and environments that are not conducive to quality conversations. Nowadays, when the bar is too packed, people are too drunk and the music is too loud, I'll start looking around for the exit sign. I don't even have to think about it, I'll just want to leave suddenly. I think thats why sometimes I am tempted to pick up smoking again. I used to have the best conversations outside and away from the noise. Those good old one-on-ones with a smoking buddy. Now I'll just shiver and check the time... when your body doesn't need to smoke, its hard to motivate yourself to stand outside and mingle.

It's always good to make yourself define the things you enjoy the most. Make a list. Your relationships, your identity and your personality are all things will be influenced by that list. That list will define you. Friends will enter your life because of that list, and nothing will have a greater effect on you than people. Someone once said, "Show be your two best friends and I'll show you your future." You may be a strong person, but spend enough time with a person and you'll find yourself on the same path. Be careful of your priorities, and be careful of the things you start to like. Make them good things, so you have good friends, so you can live a good life.

These are all things I was told by my parents and mentors, and most of these things I disagreed with. My friends accepted me, I loved them, what was so bad about that? To this day I love all of my friends dearly, past and present, but I am very thankful I did not continue down some of the avenues I travelled with them. I'm the exception. By the grace of God my lifestyle today is productive as opposed to destructive. It is only because of my wife and a few others that I am not an addict or in rehab or prison or worse. Where I am today is dramatically different than where I was headed because of a few who invested time, prayers and positive energy.

So, be honest with your friends and invest in your relationships. Expose yourself when the timing is right. Be vulnerable, it builds trust, and trust is the most valuable thing between two people. Define the positive things you enjoy. Make a list of the goals you want to achieve and surround yourself with like minded people. There's my fortune cookie wisdom for the day. I'm done now.

Sanitation and the Great Swine Flu

Did you know that almost 80 percent of American casualties in the First World War came not from enemy fire, but from flu? Swine Flu arose as a normal, non-lethal flu in the spring of 1918, but somehow mutated into something much more severe. Between 1918 and 1919 over a half a million people in America died of the flu. Some estimates have put the global total at that time between 50 and 100 million people. To this day the Great Swine Flu is considered the worst epidemic in history. I don't think this new outbreak will be able to do that much damage, but it is frightening nonetheless.

Doctors in 1918, in an attempt to develop antidotes for the Great Swine Flu, conducted tests on military prisoner volunteers in exchange for pardons. The prisoners were injected with infected lung tissue taken from the dead and then sprayed in the eyes, nose, and mouth with infectious aerosols. If they still failed to succumb to the virus, they had their throats swabbed with discharges taken from the sick and dying. When all else failed, they were required to sit open-mouthed while an extremely ill victim was helped to cough into their faces. Shockingly, out of the sixty-two men who volunteered for the tests, none became infected with the disease. The only probable explanation was that perhaps the flu had passed through the prison weeks prior and the volunteers, all of whom had survived, had developed a natural immunity. This gives me hope.

After all of the years of being in a band on the road one thing is certain; we have been introduced to many different people and with them many different viruses. Living and sleeping in such close quarters tends to lend itself to the sharing of every virus that is introduced. I say this is a good thing, because my immune system is well-versed in beating viruses. I never get the flu, and I rarely have cold symptoms. I rarely use sanitizer or wash my hands (and when I do its without much rigor), so my body relies on its learned white blood cells and local bacteria to fight alien agents. Being so cramped together on the road, coupled with being in contact with thousands of people from all over, has taught my immune system to develop defenses against all types of viruses from around the country. So the idea that normal, clean people were getting sick and dying from this Swine Flu and the filthy, cramped together prisoners were not is somewhat comforting. Its a similar concept to the ones that say a slightly thirsty vine bears a better grape, or by slightly limiting ones calories actually makes ones cells more efficient. These prisoners, when limited with sanitation, developed very active immune systems in order to survive.

The crazy thing about viruses is that they only last a few hours outside of a host. They need to be passed to other hosts in order to survive. What is surprising is that outbreaks have been known to come back years later. Scientists can only guess that the strains might hide out unnoticed in populations of wild animals before trying their hand at a new generation of human beings. After the 1918 outbreak, Swine Flu (or H1N1) had another outbreak in 1933, then again in the 1950's, and yet again in the 1970's. Up until a few years ago, scientists could only speculate that the Great Swine Flu could quite possibly once again rear its ugly head. As we all know, it finally has.

The good news is that with todays medicine it stands little chance of doing the type of damage it did in 1918. The bad news is all your efforts at sanitation won't do you any good. Viruses are airborne, and your best defense is a well qualified immune system (coupled with a flu vaccine when needed). When you keep viruses and bacteria outside of your body, you develop a weak, underworked immune system that simply isn't prepared to handle a skillfully mutated virus. This is why young people are most at risk, because they have had less time to gain exposure to earlier strands of influenza. In 1918, the Great Swine Flu had its worse effect on those in their twenties and thirties. Older people may have benefited from resistance gained from an earlier exposure to the same strain, but why the very young were similarly spared is unknown. That is the scary thing about viruses, you never know where they're coming from, when they'll mutate, and who they'll target. 

There is not much you can do to prepare for a viral outbreak, but in my opinion a safe thing to do is to develop as much immunity as you can by staying healthy and getting dirty, in equal amounts.

Reacting With Maturity

Maturity is not so much about how you address a situation, but rather how you react to one. Is a mature person assertive? I would assume so, and I would expect them to be assertive when addressing a situation. But how a person reacts, especially to extreme situations, says a lot about who they are as a person.

In our society people are always trying to one up each other. When faced with an extreme opinion they counterbalance it with another extreme opinion, which leads to polarization, isolation, and a major disconnect between political and cultural groups.

For a few weeks there I couldn't turn on a media outlet without hearing about Rihanna getting beat up by her boyfriend Chris Brown. Talk about two spoiled individuals' sense of entitlement getting them into trouble; she does whatever she wants, he does whatever he wants, and inevitably things get ugly. She reacts immaturely, he reacts even more immaturely and much more cowardly, and everyone loses. Where are the cool headed celebrities? The mature ones? The ones like Bill Cosby who can laugh at the camera guy and crack jokes?

Sadly, maturity and class have gone completely unrewarded in our society... everyone wants to see grown people act like children. Everyone wants to witness a train wreck.

And how about the medias implications of that Rihanna vs. Chris Brown thing? After it happened I kept hearing that "it's never okay to hit a woman." I agree, but I also think its never okay to hit a man. Frankly, I don't think two people should hit each other. But what are we saying to our kids when we say, "it's never okay to hit a woman." Well, we're saying a few things. First, we're saying women are exempt from any physical consequences for their actions. Secondly, we're saying that men aren't. I agree, nobody should hit a woman, I think it takes a coward of a man to do so. A childish coward. I also think woman shouldn't have a license to around punching these childish cowards and provoking their insecurities. What a disaster that would be.

Everyone is just reacting. Every time something extreme happens, the opposite extreme seems to come out of the woodwork. Last year everyone hated Bush's capitalism, this year they hate Obama's socialism. We complain like children. We are weak and fickle. The majority of us have no examples of maturity to look up to. We have authority, we have leaders, but they are for the most part deeply narcissistic and immature at heart. So what are we left with, celebrities?

If you want to know what maturity is, read the Gospels of Jesus. Jesus' responses to the extreme accusations and entrapments of the "religious right" of the time were well thought out. He reacted with calmly stated pieces of wisdom. So much so, that many times his accusers went away with no rebuttal. He didn't escalate the fight. He didn't trade extreme for extreme. He reacted to their slander with logic, peaceful confidence and humility.

He reacted with maturity.

John 8: 3-11

The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

May we learn to mimic some of that.

Insecurity

You know the feeling when people are telling you something, but it's like they're trying to get you to say the opposite? They're fishing for complements by putting themselves down, or saying something polarizing just to see if someone will speak up and argue their point. You know the feeling. It's in all of us. Its called insecurity, and when people start acting it out, that feeling starts to creep in. It starts to marinate in your soul. It starts to grow. Their insecurity starts feeding your own.

How sad is it that sometimes you'll stoop to saying how pathetic you are in order to get a 'pity compliment.' What a cheap, undeserving consolation for a tired old tactic. On the other hand, how sad is it that you need to affirm yourself by making offensive blanket statements in order to prove a point, being argumentative in an attempt to leave some 'burning impression.' Or how about the constant need to draw attention to yourself in conversation by bragging or telling stories that nobody wants to hear. What a cheap legacy. It is said that you can judge a man by his enemies. Acting like this wont make you an enemy of bad people. Unleashing your tongue for shock value doesn't make enemies at all. It just makes people dislike you. You just lose respect.

It is said that you can see a person's true character not only by how well they take criticism, but by how well they accept compliments. I think I am instinctively terrible at both. I don't like compliments, in fact, I prefer never to be told that I'm good at anything. At least not to my face. Secretly, I want people to compliment me behind my back. I want to overhear people telling their friends, just in earshot, that I am great. I want to overhear that they respect me...  but I want it indirectly, so I don't have to accept it. So I'm not exposed. Sometimes I field a compliment with class and humility, but intrinsically, if I don't make a concerted effort, it will make me feel awkward and I'll want to change the subject. 

It's the same with criticism. I hate it. How dare you? That's my natural attitude. It feels like a violation. Like an attack on who I am. Only when it's spoken in the most respectful tone by a dear friend will I ever calmly listen to it, otherwise I get nervous. Something stirs in me and I feel the need to defend myself, to retaliate against it. But secretly, as much as I abhor it, as much as I make out like I'm ignoring it, criticism can control me. Phrases of criticism can play constantly in my mind, and they can have a powerful impact on my actions. Criticism, even from years ago, can randomly pop into my head when I make decisions, and it can influence me to go one way over another.

The fact is, most criticism comes from insecurity. And usually, when its delivered from a place of insecurity in one individual, it can awaken insecurities in the individual receiving it. The insecurity in one breeds insecurity in the other.

You may have heard this. Musicians by nature can be some of the most insecure people in the world. We are defined by the sounds that we make, and thus we are very protective of them. Sometimes it's easy to write your own music off so the criticism doesn't hurt as bad. It's easier to mock your own art than to defend it. But I think thats a front, nobody wants their heart and soul to be picked apart. It's a terrifying process, writing, recording and releasing a record. There are insecurities on the macro level, and on the micro. On the micro level, for example with band dynamics, insecurities are like atoms waiting to be split. They are like tiny little molecules which if treated a certain way can amass major destruction.

If a band member feels discredited, disrespected or overlooked in any way, the lid can blow off, and everyones insecurities can take over. 

Heres how it works: I'll be happily and humbly moving along, confident in myself but also willing to give credit to others, and then suddenly something happens. Someone, out of insecurity, will say something self-righteous. Someone will get offended by something miniscule, and react by reciting their own accomplishments, the things they're good at, why they are more important. Obviously, this is because they feel offended or criticized, and out of an instinct of self- defense, they react by giving a vocal account of their value. As soon as this happens, from deep within me, something starts to cry out. What you've done? It says, What about what I've done? How good you are? What about how good I am? And so on. And if I don't squash it, it can suddenly sweep over me. I can be completely enslaved by my own insecurities.

And so it goes. Somebody criticizes someone, not out of love but out of insecurity. That person reacts with boasting, out of insecurity, and then causes their neighbors to well up with self-righteousness. Insecurity has now swept the room, like some hyper-speed version of the bubonic plague, clouding everyones judgement, infecting everyones motivations, or worse, killing the vibe. All this out of the vocalized insecurity of one person, callously addressing something in an attempt to validate themselves.

Insecurity breeds insecurity.

All anyone wants is to be understood and respected, but in order to receive respect you have to earn it. You have to give it. The selfish nature of our culture tells us that we can have what we want, when we want it, without work. You can get what you need at the touch of a button. That is a lie. Blessings come to those who work for them. It is work to be humble. It is work to give a compliment when all you want is to hear one. It is work to let people speak who may have selfish motivations. It is work to put others first. It is work to keep your own insecurities secure when others are running rampant. It is work to have patience. But if you work on those things, people will respect you. You'll find that you can rise above your own insecurities, because your conscience will be clean. And when it comes to the dropping of these "insecurity bombs," you will be known as a diffuser rather than an igniter. You'll be known as a peacemaker. People will like you. 

Isn't that what we all want? To rise above? To remain calm and collected? To not be dragged around by the insecurities of others? Isn't that the meaning of cool? Sadly our society glorifies hot heads. Turn on Fox News if you don't believe me. You'll see people making blanket statements, 'convinced' they have the answers, attacking their neighbors' principles in order to justify their own beliefs. It's commonplace to take action out of insecurity. What's even more absurd, is that it's masked as strength. You are encouraged to rant, boast, and criticize in order to prove your point. You are encouraged to put your neighbor beneath you. It makes for great TV, but unfortunately it does not get them what they want: Respect. Talking heads are a joke. Does anyone respect them?

The answer is always humility. It is always a quiet, confident patience. The answer is self control. The type Ghandi and Mother Theresa had. The type Jesus had. These things come from a place of wisdom. These are not new thoughts. If you open a Bible to Proverbs, you'll find exactly how to gain respect. The words were written almost three thousand years ago during a time when the nation of Israel was very wealthy, and they couldn't be any more true right now in our postmodern society.

There are leaders and followers. Indians and chiefs. Those who read the news, and those who make the news. Those who are the wind, and those who are tossed by it. I have to constantly remind myself which I am aspiring to be. I have to make sure that insecurity stays secured.

Things Change

I remember being so angry with my parents in high school. They would rarely buy me new clothes, and when they did they were the kind from the JC Penny sale rack. I hated showing up to school with all my friends in their fresh pressed duds and me in my crappy hand-me-downs. I'd get made fun of for wearing a shirt too much, but I only wore it because it was my only cool shirt. I would have never admitted it at the time, but being popular seemed like the pinnacle of success. It really seemed like those guys had the life. All you needed was tan skin, a white smile and some fresh new clothes, and suddenly you were in. Well, I never really got 'in' and I cursed my parents for it. Today, I can't stop singing their praises. Why? Because things change...

I was the guy on the fringe. I didn't have what it took to be cool. My skin didn't tan very well, and my clothes were unoriginal. As for my teeth, the braces during junior year didn't help my status, and by the time they came off I'd taught myself how to smile without showing them at all. I had friends, lots of them, but I wasn't the nucleus. Their plans didn't revolve around mine. Sometimes I think of how my life might have turned out if I had been the nucleus. I imagine I would have stayed around town after graduation much longer, trying to milk the fame I poured myself into during those four years of high school. I probably would have gone to parties and reminisced about those days of yore, back when I had it made. I probably would have got a job nearby, say as a landscaper, so I could keep all the same friends who still recognized my hard earned status. I probably would have slowly and grudgingly started to hate my life, because for those unfortunate enough to be the nucleus, it is often the case that high school is the pinnacle. And after that, things change... 

I was happy to bring on the change. I stuck around a year after graduation to do some manual labor and "soul-searching" *cough* partying *cough* and then decided I needed to get the heck out of Dodge. I realized in that year that I wasn't the type to milk a situation that wasn't the best to begin with, and that I was young and there was life to be discovered. So I moved to Seattle.

The change that happened then was drastic.

Over the course of the last eight years, and through many different experiences, I believe I've become a changed person. Call it getting older, but I've settled in to who I am. I like myself. Once a year I'll head back home for the holidays, and I'll see some old friends. Some seem satisfied with life, and others, generally the ones who had it pretty good in high school, seem to have changed in a different way. They seem worse off. It's sad, because I can tell that they don't like who they've become. It's like they stuck around, trying to relive the vigor and momentousness they felt in high school. Where life felt finite and important. Where they belonged. Where they were respected. But life dragged on, and it's like they've been beating this dead horse for years, not wanting to let go, to start over a nobody, to have to struggle to gain respect. Their tan skin starting to look rough, their nice clothes exchanged for coveralls, their white smiles hidden behind their lips. I'm almost shocked by their demeanor. Embarrassed by their humility.

They look at me, and I'm just a poor nobody with nothing to hang my hat on, and they say, 

"You made it, man."

Made it? Somebody should tell my over-drafted bank account. 

"You got out, you are doing something different, everyone here is proud of you."

Everyone is proud of me? That's a funny thought.

"Yeah man you're famous."

No, I'm not. People just assume that.

But really, people talk about me? The kid with pale skin and stupid clothes and braces. The MacDonald kid. The kid who's rebellious. The kid who thinks he's fat. The kid who thinks he's ugly. The kid who resents his parents... Things change.

And then I'm reminded of how microscopic my world view was in high school. It's like I've lived ten lifetimes since. I wanted to so badly to be known and respected, at any expense. I can still recall the pang, the inconsolable longing for popularity however temporary. However shallow the requirements.

I think about my parents and how they didn't buy into the system I subscribed to. I thought I had a dire responsibility to fit in or be cast aside, and for whatever reason they didn't comply. I was angry, but now I'm glad because things changed. 

So to you on the fringes, I say rejoice! The nucleus will eventually implode on itself, and you'll be set free one day to travel as far as your dreams will take you. Always remember, no matter how finite, wretched, overlooked or desperate your life might seem: Things change!

What Communism Feels Like

I get a weird feeling in my gut when people around me start placing their rules and principles ahead of their humanity.

In the professional word there is so little wiggle room with what you can get away with. Maybe this is why I don't function properly working for a business with an HR department. Because everything I say might come under scrutiny, it has to be filtered through a long list of rules. You have to ask, "Could this be considered sexist? Prejudice? Racist? Inappropriate for the 'work environment'?" Call me a rebel if you like, I just get this weird feeling when people adhere to the type of mentality that disallows them to act naturally.

Don't get me wrong. I agree that racism, sexism and other forms of prejudice are terrible things and should be punished when it is found that someone is maliciously and publicly displaying these ignorant patterns of thought. There is no excuse and no place for it. Idiots should be treated as idiots. If acting naturally means demeaning women, then you shouldn't be allowed to act naturally. But how many good people with good intentions have been sued, fired, transferred, mistaken... their names dragged through the mud?

What I mean by 'acting naturally' is being able to talk through things in a natural way. This idea that we have to protect people so thoroughly from things that society deems inappropriate is a huge discredit to the intelligence of humanity. What happened to good-old telling someone they've offended you, having a conversation and working it out, learning from each other? Can't people help provide their own boundaries without some corporate watch-dog breathing down their neck? These principles that put certain topics so completely off limits help to breed prejudice. If nobody can talk, then how can we progress? The rules are teaching that color, sex and sexual orientation are things to look out for, things to focus on so that you don't make a mistake. Isn't that the opposite of the idea of "color-blindness"? Aren't we supposed to see each other as equals? Instead, certain topics are off limits, separating some groups from the mainstream and in turn, marginalizing them... highlighting them. There is no progress, because progress requires conversations, and conversations aren't allowed to happen because that would be 'inappropriate behavior for the work environment.'

The fact is, we are all human. We want to laugh and joke and celebrate our differences. We also want to talk and learn and celebrate the things we have in common. We want barriers to go down, we want people to open up, we want deeper relationships with those around us. The rules keep us from that.

Everybody has a watchful eye in the workplace, looking for those who might not be adhering to the rules. In some weird twist of irony, they choose to call the department that dehumanizes people Human Resources. HR, very inhumanly, follows a book of do's and don'ts. We've all watched the videos, the ones teaching us how to react in certain situations, how to avoid them... how to avoid people. Employees are suddenly all potential threats to the code of law. Potential law suits. Potential liabilities. You're probably best not even to look at a minority, lest they or someone watching might take offense.

This must be on some small scale what communism feels like.

Why do you think people go home and flip on Comedy Central to watch comedians of every race, gender, and ethnic background making fun of each other? They're saying what nobody is allowed to say, and thats attractive. It's also hilarious, culturally bridge building, and educational on a really shallow level. It's sad that we have to bridge the gap with comedians. Perhaps they wouldn't be so funny if it was common place that culturally different people spoke to each other, had each other over for dinner, learned from each other, etc.

In communist Romania everyone was a spy for the government. Students were not allowed to go to church, because church was for old people, apparently. Teachers were forced to attend church for the sole purpose of seeing if any students were there. If they saw a student at church, they had to report it to the government, and that student would be punished. Everyone was to have a watchful eye on their neighbor, jotting down the intricacies of what they said and did. People were forced into policing each other out of fear. They were all following the rules of the Romanian Communist Party. A joke was no longer a joke, a passing comment no longer a comment... everything was a potential threat to the regime. This disrupted any freedom of speech they might have at one point enjoyed.

This legalism, this 'off-limits' type mentality not only impedes on freedoms, it sections people off, dividing them into class and culture, keeping the familiar together so that no one can grow. It creates prejudice, because there is a disconnect between cultures. Suddenly, its 'us' and 'them.'

Have you ever been ridiculed? Ever been made to look like a racist or an animal because of something you've said? Have you been sat down and grilled because of a passing comment or a harmless joke? Have you been punished because you innocently and ignorantly broke the code of conduct?

Then you probably have felt what communism must feel like.

The problem is that the system breeds ignorance. Instead of demonizing ignorance, why don't we erase it. Let everyone talk to each other, let everyone learn from each other. There will be bumps in the road, but let everyone work out the kinks. People are intelligent, they can develop their own social guidelines through conversation and understanding. We don't need a Human Resource Department draining humans of their natural social abilities, their true human resources. If allowed to have open and honest conversation, humans might be able bridge the gap that corporate rules and ignorance have helped create.

The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning

This post is about nothing specific, so ignore the title. It is not referring to any theme on The Silver Cord, nor does it pertain to anything deep and meaningful in concept. I merely wanted to time-stamp this moment, which is the first month anniversary of this blog. It is my intent with this time-stamp to look back at the ramblings posted in February, and to resolve to make better sense of the ramblings in March, and so on. It looks like we're off to a bad start already, because I'm not entirely sure of how much sense I just made.

I want to thank everyone who have taken the time to read through at least one of the posts on this blog. I especially want to thank those who chose to comment. I've been surprised by how mature and concise some of your responses have been. I'll admit I was expecting comments that looked more like, "Come to Georgia!" and, "How did you guys get signed?"

As it turns out, those of you who follow along seem to be a solid group of thinkers, and I'm humbled and inspired by that. Thank you for challenging me and in turn (I hope) allowing yourself to be challenged. This blog is lucky to be a microscopic blip on the radar of the greater blogosphere, but I love it and I wouldn't mind if it stayed that way.

Excuse me while I work something out for myself. I may go off on a bit of a tangent here...

I am not an Albert Einstien or an Isaac Newton. I may have scored a 137 on an online IQ test once, but I doubt that certifies me as a genius. And even if I was a genius, I've spent most of my life dumbing my brain down, numbing it with whatever comes my way, trying to render it useless. I guess I'm about as inquisitive as the next guy, but I couldnt imagine the Theory of Relativity or Space-time, and I couldn't even read Principia, let alone imagine it. When I learn about the true mad geniuses and scientists, those who were blessed with the types of minds which can explain the interconnectedness of creation, I am saddened that my life has been as futile as it's been at times. I am saddened by how narrow and unmotivated I've been. By how unimaginative, unappreciative, and selfish I've been. 

Imagine a guy like Newton, who upon swinging his feet out of bed in the morning he would reportedly sometimes sit for hours, immobilized by the sudden rush of thoughts to his head. He was strange, solitary, distracted and otherwise joyless, but he was completely fascinated by creation. Imagine Einstein, with such a noggin that he rarely wrote things down. He essentially thought up the Theory of Relativity without using a notebook. His paper called "On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies," published in 1905, is incredible because it contains no citations or footnotes, almost no mathematics, and made no mention of any work that had influenced it. He essentially just thought it all up. 

These guys must have lived each day in sheer wonder and amazement of everything around them. We take for granted the air we breathe, the veins and nerves and blood cells and organs that work tirelessly day after day without so much as a thought on our behalf. Isn't that crazy? We don't even need to pay attention to it and our heart pumps blood, sometimes for over a century straight. My heart, the relentless servant of an abusive and thankless master. I guess most of this stuff could be for another post.

I think the point of all of this rambling is that it's taken me 25 years to realize that I'm pretty much a normal guy. I used to think I was different, but the truth is I'm not that different. I'm not too tortured an artist or too deep a thinker to lack the ability to relate or function in society. I'm not going to stick a long leather stitching needle in my eye socket to "see what happens" (as Newton once did). I have questions like everyone else, but like most people I resort to seeking peace of mind through conversation and community. 

I think we've had some great conversations since this thing started, and I hope to have many more with all of you.

Systemic Risk

This is from my sister's facebook page. I thought it was funny.


SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone else.

COMMUNISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you the milk.

FASCISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and sells you the milk.

NAZISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one and pours the milk down the drain.

CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

ANARCHY - You steal your neighbour’s bull, and shoot the government.

The Human Dichotomy

What kind of crazy messed up world do we live in where the wounded cut themselves, the lonely push people away, and the tired can't sleep? Where people struggling to live are slowly killing themselves with too much food, tobacco, alcohol and other drugs? Where medicine is a killer; Oxycontin is the biggest gateway drug to heroin addiction. Where there is more than enough food to go around, but innocent children starve to death daily because of greed. Where those who desperately want to be loved continue to settle for the empty, soul sucking opposite. Where christians cause pain rather than salvation. Where those who have been blessed choose to curse others. 

We are all in the same boat, not one of us has a leg to stand on. Our pocket change could save lives, but we still keep it in a jar. We serve our fat stupid selves first, and then we put the pennies we have left over in the box at the McDonald's cash register... and that's supposed to clean our conscience?

Does anyone else look around at get blown away by the sheer contrariety of our condition? Do we ever let our own hypocrisy sicken us? 

Our self-serving society, with it's promise of wealth and comfort, has birthed nothing but pain for not only ourselves, but for innocents all over the world. For ourselves, its in the form of depression, anxiety, addiction, complacency and a variety of mental illnesses. For the world, the pain we sow is in the form of starvation, disease and exploitation. Sure we don't have to see the kids face who makes our shoes. We don't have to see the kids who die of thirst and hunger and preventable disease... so we can live guilt free. A sale is a good thing right? Shopping at Wal-Mart is fiscally responsible right? We say we want the truth, but we don't really want the truth. The truth is we are all guilty. Blood is on all of our hands. Does this bother you? We put money in the hands of murderers, extortionists, and child abusers daily. Most of all, we put money into the greedy machine that forces it all to happen. Who is to blame? What is the source of these monstrosities? The market... the demand. Who is the demand? 

We are.

Does this make you uncomfortable? I hope your anxiety kicks in as you read this. I hope your depression flares... I hope your knee-jerk reaction to reach for a milkshake or a pill will cause you to realize that there is more to life than just you. We all need to learn that insulation is not the answer. 

I hope you can't sleep tonight.