I'm in limbo again (see blog post "Tapering" if you love redundancy). We leave for tour in four days and it's becoming exhausting to even think of doing anything that might cut into my sittin'-around-time. I spend most of my days in a vegetative state on the couch, the symptoms much the same as explained during my last "Tapering" session. It's the calm before the storm. Any pending projects seem daunting and unnecessary. I am not prepared in any way to leave for tour because let's face it, that's days away and I live one day at a time. Either way I've done it a million times (packing) and I've got it down to an art. I could live out of my backpack for weeks. Even though I'm unprepared to leave, I'm not productively staying either. I'm stuck between where I was and where I will be. "Here, where the future meets the past," to quote lyrics from a song written by a much more naive version of me (did I just quote myself?). Of course, the connotations now are much less positive. When you live for the moment and the moment is overwhelmingly boring, life can tend to suck a little. The good part of my day starts when Kristie gets off work. She's pretty fun. I know, I know, life isn't always fun, but I've been conditioned to believe that every good day should be filled with laughter, creative expression and intoxicating conversation. Every bad day lacks at least one of these.
At least I've been reading some. I spent the last few weeks wishing I was a fiction author. I even wrote two lines of a story before I deleted without saving, glancing over my shoulder to make sure nobody had spotted my feeble attempt at doing something else with my life. This music business is all consuming. How do those renaissance people do it? Those cursed prolific creators who seem to have the time to be productive in multiple fields at once?
The road I look forward to. I thrive there. It's not for everyone; its difficult, taxing, and often redundant, but I seem to get better at it the older I get. We've been around this country a hundred times and still I look forward to exploring more, to meeting more people, to playing music for a living. How spoiled am I! We are truly living the dream (See "Living The Dream" for more redundancy).
I need to work out. Although it's not very creative, its a way to express angst and tension through perspiration. But then I'd have to shower... and well, that just seems like a hassle right now. However, I will commit to a walk with a book in my hand and music in my ears. That sounds delightfully inspiring.
See you on the road!