Profanity vs. Slang

I grew up in a family of ten, so punishment had to come swift for dissenters like myself. The nature of most large families is this: the younger the children the stricter the rules. In my conservative Christian family the rules were especially strict, and when I was young I would get a spanking for even minor offenses like saying the words "shut-up" to my siblings. "Shut-up"(basically slang for "be quiet") was seen as harsh, profane and unruly, and was usually shouted out of desperation in situations where "be quiet" fell on deaf ears. Nevertheless, we were usually spanked if not sent to our rooms for such outbursts of emotional discontent. To my parents credit we were also spanked for saying things like "damn you," which I would usually scream at my older brother after a few hours of torture, at which point he would gleefully tattle-tale, laughing as my punishment ensued. He was a bit of a sadist. The phrase "damn you" is not only a curse word, it's actually a curse. The curser is in a sense condemning the cursed to hell. My six year old mind had no idea of the blasphemy I was speaking, but I knew it sounded bad and it seemed to express the fullness of my rage. When our family got older, "shut-up" became a widely used, legitimate reaction towards someone who was purposely being loud or abrasive with the intent of victimizing those in ear-shot. "Damn you," never caught on as an accepted form of expression.

My point is, "shut-up" was slang for something else, something widely accepted, and slang can be adopted (depending on the culture of your community) to express a more intense level of the original words meaning, but "damn you" is just plain profanity, willfully directed at someone with the intent of condemning their eternal soul to hell.

The older I became, the more I travelled, the more people I met, the more cultures I experienced, the more I came to accept certain slang expressions that as a child I would have been spanked for. While in certain company I'd hear these forbidden utterances used for wonderful descriptive purposes and feel no shame upon hearing them. The culture saw them only as expressions to articulate the point. The company, in a sense, can tend to dictate the vocabulary.

I'm not saying that one should not be principled. Sometimes the chameleon strategy will compromise the integrity of your faith and your convictions. Anything that will jeopardize the integrity of your word is not a good thing. For those who have convictions which inspire separate, monk-like vocabularies, I applaud you. I respect conviction. It falls on different people in different ways at different times, and it is key to not disregard it. However, there are certain words that get lumped in with "swearing" or "profanity" that I feel can take on different meanings based on the cultural context in which they're used. These terms I define as "slang," much like "shut-up." I want to break down the difference between "shut-up" and "damn you." I want to try to understand the difference between profanity and slang.

Slang can be defined as dialect, jargon, or colloquialisms (ie "bling" is accepted slang for jewelry). No definition of slang involves blasphemy or obscenity. Profanity, however, is often defined as blasphemous, obscene, irreverent, etc. Language becomes profane when it is used with irreverence towards God, or as a weapon against our neighbor (who God calls us to love). Because of my convictions, I never want to be viewed as irreverent towards God (especially in the company of those who don't believe in God). Regardless of the company I'm in, I want to be known as somebody who takes seriously the implications of using profanity, especially for someone of my faith. For the purpose of examining this topic I will probably use some language that you (the reader) might deem profane, so you should know that I do not use this language with offensive intent, but rather for "research" purposes.

I know there are plenty of verses in the Bible about speaking kindly and non-offensively, so I hope you read this in the humblest of ways. For the sake of "research" I want to break some of these slang terms down, however, I understand there is a chance I will still offend someone. Let's say for a second you weren't worried about your kids hearing a "bad word," or you weren't afraid of your parents finding out you were reading one, or you weren't concerned with what your friends thought about your spiritual life. Let's say for a second you didn't care about all that extraneous shit. Let's just say you really wanted to develop a healthy non-religious understanding of the English language. You'll notice I just said "shit." I said it instead of "stuff." If this blog wasn't about slang, I probably wouldn't have put it there, because it didn't need to be there to articulate my point. I essentially chose to call your worries "shit" instead of "stuff." You probably felt some emotion when you read it. Maybe you interpreted it as an expression of my intense distaste for worry, or perhaps you just felt shock. I'll admit it was sort of exuberantly shocking to write it. What is "shit" anyways? A harsh word for "poop?" An abrupt term for "stuff"? The two words mean the same thing, it's just that one has a more negative, emotional connotation than the other. Veterans don't talk about being in the "stuff" in Korea, because "stuff" can also have good connotations. The Korean War was worse than "stuff." You can get a bunch of stuff for Christmas, or ship a bunch of supplies and stuff to Haiti for relief. Shit, however, is never positive (unless you're from a culture which lacks descriptive terms for good things and chooses to use "cool as shit" or "you're the shit" as positive expressions). Shit is a bad situation. It's the mess an animal makes at your expense. You never step in "stuff," stinky and oozing all over your car door and floor mats. That isn't stuff, that isn't even poop. Poop is something that babies do, or well behaved doggies on walks with their bag handling masters. Shit is the mess an animal makes, its negative through and through, and a very uniquely descriptive word in my opinion. No other word can properly explain the meaning. You can say that someone is lying, or that they are full of garbage, but nothing will interpret better your distaste for lying when you refer to their lies simply as "bullshit."

I know some of you might be flabbergasted already, and might even be more horrified to know that I'm going to bring the Bible into this topic. I've never really had a filter so here goes... Philippians 3:8 says, 

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ"

There are a lot of places I could take that verse, but since this is a discussion about language I'll stick to the topic at hand. Paul uses the word "rubbish." Some translations use "dung." In original Greek the word used is skuvbalon. Skuvbalon is used very rarely in popular Greek text and used only in context with emotionally charged topics, usually when the author wishes to invoke revulsion in his audience. In other words, its a harsh, revolting term for animal excrement, used to disgust the reader. It's slang. Rubbish and dung are words that do not shock or disgust me, however, if the word was interpreted to "bullshit," it would probably be a more accurate translation from the Greek. It's probably closer to what Paul was so adamantly expressing. Rubbish at some point might have meant something terribly revolting in English, maybe dung too... but now they sound like something a British Lord would say after losing money on a horse race. They just can't translate fully the meaning of skuvbalon. Of course, we get the idea of the passage, and I'm not debating the accuracy of the translation... I'm merely saying the original word that Paul used had more revolting and shocking connotations than the "proper English" translation.

Of course, there are certain cultural norms that one must follow. You cannot go around offending people and expect them to respect you and listen to your convictions. You probably shouldn't try using slang with grandma, or at your church, because chances are those folks have pretty strict guidelines against the use of such words. Paul also says, 

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." (Colossians 4:3) 

So one should never try to be offensive. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't have a stroke every time you hear a slang term in a descriptive context. The motives are rarely defiant... it's usually just cultural differences.

I remember my dad used to pick up a group of kids from the projects and take them to Sunday school. Sometimes I would ride along in the front seat of our Pontiac station wagon as we went to pick these kids up. One day as we exited the station wagon at the church, one of the kids stepped in dog poop. "He stepped in crap!" another kid yelled, and they all started laughing, "Awwww gross! Crap man! It's crap!" I was horrified. "Crap" was a word you could get the belt for in my house. I remember watching my dad, expecting him to get really angry with these kids. He did nothing, in fact, he laughed a little and told the kid to wipe it off before he went inside.

Culturally we used different language, and my dad understood that. He wasn't shocked by it, although if it came out of my mouth it'd be more than a "talking-to" I'd get. We were expected to speak differently in our family and church. Our cultural standard for slang was different, but it didn't make theirs wrong.

So there you have it, my two cents on the functionality of slang, when used in proper context and company I have no problem with it. Now let me tell you how this applies to my current life.

The Classic Crime is a band that tries to play for everyone. We pride ourselves in having a diverse audience of people from all walks of life. Music is a universal language after all, and we never want to form some exclusive, singular sub-culture with our fan-base. We try to attract all cultures. However, sometimes those different cultures clash. Some fans, when commenting on our Facebook or Myspace pages, will say "You guys are fucking awesome!" Sometimes other, more conservative fans will chastise them for their use of "loose language." I feel like the more conservative fans can tend miss the point. The point is that this person thinks we're great. They think we're so great, they're using an extreme word to express it. Perhaps they do not share the same faith, convictions, or doctrine, and perhaps the term "fucking awesome" is used quite frequently in their homes as an expression that is used to refer to something as "extremely good." We don't know, but what we do know is that they aren't saying, "You guys fucking suck!" Which can then be interpreted as profanity because the language is being used as a weapon, or an extreme expression of hatred against us. This, in no culture, can be justified as a useful thing (even though we try to accept those profane criticisms with love as well).

I always read the comments like, "You guys are fucking awesome!" with a clean conscience. Not only that, but I love that those types of people are listening to our music. The words that hurt me are the words that ignorantly and profanely involve God in some way. No matter where I am or who I'm with those words are like nails on a chalkboard. The people who say them never bother me, really, because usually they're folks who have no idea what they are talking about, but their words can tend to make me wince. I believe that God loves us incredibly, so it hurts when someone He loves chooses to use His name as a description for something negative or an attack on their neighbor. This is where words can clash with my convictions. Slang rarely convicts me (and only when used out of context), but profanity always feels icky, in any context. To me, anyways.

Congratulations for making it this far. I hope this post was informative for you, or at least a peek into my "worldly" perspective. The circles I run in aren't the most refined, but I think sometimes refinement is over-rated and holds no "big picture" value. I like to keep company with people who have honest convictions, love without excuses and say what they really feel. With that sentiment in mind, I'll finish this blog.

I love you all!

Matt

My Old Journal

I've never been a prolific writer. Most of my writing has come in waves, separated by long dry-spells. That's why it dawned on me today that probably my most prized material possessions are my old journals. It can take me years to fill just one, so if I ever want a snap shot of things I went through, things I dreamt, hated and loved, I just have to open one of a hand full of books. 


Reading one of my old journals this morning I thought, "This is why I need to journal more in 2010." It's really fascinating to hear myself talk to myself, it's sort of like traveling through time. I feel sort of like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol... I'm reading along thinking, "This guy is really messed up... I'm glad I'm not him anymore." 


I laughed really hard when I read this one from a few years ago:


9/18/07 12:51 AM (Don't ask why I mark the exact time, its a habit of mine)


Today I ventured from the apartment for the first time since I've been home. Home... it doesn't really feel like it. I've been hiding out, on vacation, doing absolutely nothing spectacular. My wife and friends are out working all day, furthering themselves, or perhaps just expending energy in some constructive way. Today I ate breakfast, ran, showered, played guitar, broke a string, ate lunch, re-stringed my guitar, finished a song, dabbled on the internet, got mandatory renters insurance, printed some bank statements and watched TV. Still, after all that activity, it was only out of sheer boredom that I took the elevator ride to my faded-red '89 Civic Hatchback, which was a hand-me-down that my younger, more successful brothers so graciously handed back "up." I took it to Walgreens and bought anti-fungal creme for a red spot in my under-arm that I think might be ringworm, which is most likely the result of sleeping in a van in the heat of summer. I diagnose myself these days, as doctors and health insurance are much too rich for my blood. I'm no MD, but I do a pretty good job. Did I mention people like to use my bed as a toe-jam cleaner? Probably why I've had ringworm twice in the last year. By bed, I mean pad-that-I-sleep-on-in-van. I'm still getting used to the stationary bed from which I write this. To qualify my laziness as of late, I'm stopping this entry due to a cramp in my wrist. I'm apparently not conditioned to write a full two pages.

Expecting Good Results

Why do people, myself included, do the wrong thing and expect good results? Have we become so good at justifying our poor choices that we blind ourselves to the consequences? From managing debt to managing relationships we continually fail, and it seems our natural gut reaction is to ask "Why me?"


You ever talk to a friend who has made a sequence of terrible decisions and finds themselves in a "pickle," for lack of a more severe term? They play the victim, asking why can't they be happy, don't they deserve to be? They act like someone else did this to them... If you're like me you have to resist the urge to reach out and slap them and say, "You did this!" "You made the decision to complicate your relationship, to ignore your convictions, to spend money you didn't have, to sleep through your alarm, to put off your obligations or go back on your word... You did this."


We all do this, and yet we sit here expecting good results.


We all make poor choices and expect to be fulfilled. Even the little things, like watching too much TV, or letting the clutter build up, buying things we don't need or putting off paying a bill. Then when it all comes to a head, we freak out like someone dropped a bomb on our lives. We become stressed out and unravelled that the only rational response seems to be to blame anyone or anything rather than ourselves.


In my last post I wrote about our natural inclination to do the wrong thing because it provides a temporary benefit, as opposed to the right thing, which is usually difficult temporarily but pays off down the road. Perhaps there are parallels here. Our natural forgetfulness and lack of foresight seems to blind us to the idea of consequence. No matter how much trouble we get in for things we did, we rarely learn enough to cease from getting into trouble in the future. We tend to value things based on their instant gratification rather than their long term results. The right thing is so tedious in the present that we just cannot be motivated enough to invest in it.


So what do you have to do to get good results in your relationships, your business, your life? I know I've said this before, but I always feel like honesty is a great place to start whenever you want to grow as a human being. Be honest about your shortfalls, where you've ignored better judgement, and be open to confessing those things. Sometimes the best way to get past something is to speak it, name it, and share it with someone else. Someone who can hold you accountable. We are faced with choices every day, and if we want good results in life, we've got to pick the narrow road, the more difficult path, because in the end it's the one that pays off.


When I was in high school things came pretty easy. My good grades came natural and people valued my work ethic, but I sacrificed very little. I gave of myself only enough to get by and to maintain an image. When good results stopped coming in the temporary I had to learn what it took to sacrifice for the long term. I had to learn what it took to build a valuable future.


One thing I've learned in my mid-twenties is that nothing good comes easy, and there is no replacement for hard work. If you take that mentality to your relationships, to your school or your workplace, you can truly expect good results. Give of yourself fully and sacrifice for the right reasons and good things will follow. Don't get tossed by the wind or follow cheap thrills, because if you do that not only will you lose the respect of your peers, you'll end up hating yourself as well. Dig deep and challenge yourself, stay true to the right things, the hard things, and you will be fulfilled.

40th Anniversary

It's been over a year since I started this blog. I'll admit that some of my posts have been stronger than others, and some have been longer than others. I apologize for the length of some of my ramblings, especially in some of the more emotionally charged topics. This will be my 40th post. I'll keep it short.


We've been through a lot together, haven't we? We've debated a numerous amount of political, social and spiritual topics, and I can honestly say that I've been enlightened by many of your comments. I don't have a corner on the Truth by any means, but I have my ideas and it's an honor to be able run them by you. Maybe someday I'll use the subjects we've discussed here in a more extensive format, like a book, or something. I know it seems cliche (musicians writing books), and I definitely don't believe that I can give a fresh voice to any topic, as everything is borrowed, but something deep in me sees that challenge on the horizon and wants to meet it. It's a bucket list entry.


2010 is going to be a different year for this blog. I spent most of the last year at home, in my head. On 4/6/10 TCC's new record is coming out, which means I'll spend quite a bit of time on the road. I know I've done some journalling on here, but I want to do more of that in 2010 with updates from the road. Being home for awhile has made me miss the road, and I've also been shocked at how much I don't remember from different towns and places and experiences. I think when you're out on the road for 3 years straight the experiences tend to run together. I want to document more, because I realize I will probably look back on these years as some of the happiest of my life. I'm putting this in writing so I hold myself to it.


Thanks for reading, commenting and challenging the things I say. You all have played a significant role in my development as a human being.


Matt

The Struggle

Sin is not a generous boss.


I read that somewhere, and it's stuck with me. I always find that the more I give myself over to empty things the more they seem to control me. The more I ignore my conscience and do the wrong thing the more discontent I become. The symptoms that follow are anxiety, fear, frustration and disillusionment, a feeling of emptiness, of my soul being in a state of unrest. I know why I feel this way, because I have become enslaved to empty things, sinful things, and the satisfaction they promise is never as generous as I would hope. In fact, the more life I give to sin, the more life it takes from me, so it rings true when I hear the statement that "sin is not a generous boss."


Have you ever been faced with the reality of wrong and right? A religious person would call it sin and righteousness. Has it ever hit you that although we are grey creatures, there is an ultimate black and an ultimate white? Good and evil? I'm from the school of thought that believes that everyone starts out pretty innocent. We all want to do good, but naturally evil creeps in and entices us to follow it. We are faced with choices every day to either do the right thing, or give ourselves over to the wrong thing. The evil thing. The thing that promises us freedom and success and satisfaction but never provides it. That thing is sin, and sin is a liar.


Let's face it though, we all sin daily. We might not actively seek them out, but these sins probably appear some place in our lives: Anger, resentment, jealousy, bitterness, lust, gossip, envy, selfishness, greed, indulgence. Why do we allow these things to hang around? They give us a quick thrill don't they? A thrill that promises deeper satisfaction but never seems to come through for us. 


Take bitterness, for example. Sitting around brooding about someone makes you feel justified. Your adrenaline pumps, your opiate receptors are drinking it up, and in that moment you feel good. But you hang on long enough and your bitterness will consume you. It will turn into depression. It will be all you think about. Your life will become joyless and ridden with anxiety. We've seen it over and over in the lives of our families and friends. Bitterness is not a generous boss. So why do we choose to serve it?


Have you ever forgiven someone who has wronged you? Have you ever felt the freedom of letting your bitterness go? The weight lifts, it feels good. It feels right. Your happiness comes back and you're no longer a victim, no longer a slave to negativity. Righteousness is a generous boss, because it gives you piece. When you do the right thing, you receive good things, like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 


In Christianity, those "good things" are called the "Fruits of the Spirit." People who are truly following Jesus are supposed to be characterized by those things. Unfortunately, more often than not "Christians" are defined by the bad things, especially in Western Culture. I would venture to say that the stereotype is based on truth. It is probably not the case that Christians in Western Culture are oppressed or misinterpreted. The stereotype is probably there because a vast majority of Western Christians have let hidden sin creep in, and sin is not a generous boss. I am not exempt. We can become enslaved by our judgmental spirit, and our legalistic attitude breeds bitterness, exclusivity, gossip and selfishness. The more you give yourself over to those things, the more enslaved you become.


Even if you aren't a Christian, or a Jew, or a religious person at all, you probably still want to be a good person. You want to be defined as good, and you believe you know what "good" looks like. You still do wrong, but you try to do good. Why is it such a struggle to do it then? We watch movies and root for the good guy. We try to model ourselves after good people like Martin Luther King Jr. and Mother Theresa and Abraham Lincoln and Jesus, but why is it so hard to step out and actually do good? Is it the sacrifice? Maybe it's because the right thing doesn't provide any sort of instant gratification. It's usually difficult to do and it takes a measurable amount of courage. That's sort of how I decipher if what my conscience is telling me is in fact good advice. If what it is asking me to do is uncomfortable and requires sacrifice, thats usually a good indication that it's the right thing to do. I don't know why it is this way, but when I make the sacrifice to do the right thing, those "good things," those "Fruits of the Spirit," always follow.


What defines an evil person then? If a truly good person is characterized by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, is a truly evil person defined by the opposite? In the Bible, Galatians 5:19 (NIV) says, "The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like." Does struggling with any of those things make you evil though? I'm pretty sure if we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit we struggle with some parts of that definition of "sin nature." However, we would like to believe we're still pretty good, right? What I find interesting is that the Bible says the acts of sinful nature are "obvious." As in, when we do them we know they're wrong. We feel guilty post facto. So why do we get enslaved to them? The more we feed them, the more we suffer, so why do we feed them? I think it's partially because humans are lazy. The right thing is temporarily difficult but pays off later on, and the wrong thing is temporarily exciting but ruins us later on. We live so in the moment that the wrong thing seems like a good choice. We seek such instant gratification that the right thing seems almost like a waste of time. 


I think most peoples' definition of an "evil" person would be someone who has made conscious decisions time and again to do the wrong thing, but not only the wrong thing but hurtful, spiteful things that effect others in drastically negative ways . We all sin (unconsciously most of the time and with minimal guilt later), but in those big moments which define character I'd like to believe that everyone reading this would do the right thing. You would save a life if given the chance, and you wouldn't take your neighbors life because they angered you. You wouldn't purposely and continuously hurt people for your own gain, right? I only assume this about you because I think most evil people wouldn't care to read the introspective blog of an obscure musician. Maybe I'm wrong. 


The point I'm doing a poor job of making is that I think evil people are just like you and me. They probably started out wanting to do good, but slowly, choice by choice, situation by situation, they fed sin in their lives until they became enslaved to it. They made the choice so many times to do the wrong thing, it's almost as if they don't have a choice anymore. Sin nature has consumed them. They are defined by anger and resentment as opposed to love and joy. 


The Struggle between good and evil is the struggle of our lives. The Struggle defines us. When we look back at the lives of those who have passed away we always try to illuminate the positive. We want to believe that good won out, even when it's obviously to everyone that it didn't. I'm a pretty terrible sinner, but I haven't given in completely to that sin nature yet. I'm still fighting, like most people. I live in The Struggle. Most importantly I've accepted grace and forgiveness for my shortcomings so I know I've got a VIP table waiting at the party when I die, but that fact alone doesn't take away the nagging importance of how I choose live my life. Do I embrace The Struggle? Fight the current? The temptations and the instant gratification? Or do I give up and float downstream. I've floated my fair share I think, and I'll float some more soon I'm sure, but for now I think I need to bust out my flippers and struggle for good.


Speaking of that, check out recent updates from my friend Tom in Haiti here: http://www.jesusinhaiti.org/blog/blogger.html


Give to a good cause and experience good things by clicking the "Donate button" here: 
http://www.jesusinhaiti.org/default.asp


Also, I'll be writing soon about videos we will be releasing and how pre-orders for our new record will go to raise money for earthquake relief in Haiti.


Thanks for reading.

People, Vices, Trust and Honesty

I tend to like outward sinners. I trust them more. You know the kind with vices, the public sins. I have a lot of grace for people who cuss, drink, smoke or do drugs. Usually deep down they're very beautiful, loving and loyal people. They struggle openly, altering their mind or taking part to either know or be known, and I can respect that symptom however mistreated. The people I don't trust are those who don't seem to have anything wrong with them. If I can't find any fault in your character when I spend time with you, any tinge of humanity to which I can relate, I'll automatically assume that you're hiding something. You must be acting, lying, and I don't trust you. To be human is to struggle, and I have to see your humanity before we can have any mutual respect. 

Whenever I meet someone who doesn't have any apparent vices or character struggles I immediately think, "What are you hiding?" Something dark and twisted a life altering? Something that might go unnoticed now but in twenty years will devastate your life and everyone around you? If someone drinks too much it is pretty apparent what their issue is, and friends can easily diagnose and come around them to address it with love. What if someone has too much pride? Struggles with secret infidelity? Is consumed with greed and selfishness? These things aren't extremely visible, and can be hidden for long periods of time. They also can have temporarily profitable consequences. Consequences which can contribute to the desire to feed these secret sins.

The greediest most selfish investment banker might just get the most promotions as well, because he works on a commission, his profiteering allows for others to profit, so he is rewarded. His hunger for money will never be satisfied, and he might even chase it at the expense of his character because he believes that life rewards greed. When greed goes unchecked people suffer, like when the housing bubble popped. If we could have seen it coming we could have avoided a lot of suffering, but greed is hidden. Greed can be disguised as a positive thing.

How about the guy who cheats on his wife once, and subsequently realizes it's fun. It's dangerous and exciting, and while there is an initial pang of guilt he chooses to keep quiet and gets away with it. In the back of his mind, it's always an option because there are no immediate consequences. He eventually does it again, and again, until there is no more pang of guilt. He's having his cake and eating it too, but he's chasing this excitement and danger so carelessly that he slips up. He gets caught, but now the damage is done and his marriage is beyond repair. His lust came at the expense of his character, his family, and his way of life. Nobody saw it. Nobody could warn him. Nobody could read his thoughts and say to him, "Don't embellish that thought, that is dangerous, that will ruin your life."

We can privately rebuke our loved ones who struggle with the outward worship of idols; the habits we can all see and agree are dangerous when left unchecked. We can intervene in the lives of those who struggle with substance abuse. We can say to someone, "You've offended me by saying this." It's socially acceptable. But you can't really have an intervention for hidden pride, greed, lust or selfishness. There aren't many treatment programs for these extremely dangerous patterns of thought. This is why I prefer those people who struggle with the outward vices, or who at least are vocal about their inward ones. They're easier to diagnose and treat. They're often more honest about their shortcomings, and honesty is the key to any real behavioral change. Plus I relate to them.

I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve along with my struggles, and it's made me the recipient of criticism more than once. I think because I crave grace for my own shortcomings I am more likely to give grace to those who walk in my shoes. This isn't always true of everything, sometimes the most annoying people to you are the people struggling with things you haven't truly confronted in your own life. It's the whole, "First deal with the plank in your own eye so you will be able to see to the speck in your brothers eye" thing. We all want to fix everyone else before we fix ourselves. The person who annoys you most might be like you, or maybe how you think you "used to be." But thats just because you've picked an extreme, you've chosen to be against something outwardly in order to not really deal with it inwardly. It would take a post full of psychobabble to explain that this extreme stance really stems from self-loathing, but it's not something I'm an expert on so I'll spare you my elementary understanding of it all. The point is extremism is easy, its the whole honest-self-examination thing that requires some dedication.

I think those who have vices as opposed to deep and secret moral sins are in some ways able to escape the worst symptom at all: Denial. If you drink until you're drunk every night, and everyone is witness to this, then you really have no real way of denying the fact that you are an alcoholic. You are not as easily afforded denial as someone whose sins are more private. Denial is easy if nobody knows. If nobody brings it up. 

Before I say anymore, let me say this: No I am not saying go do drugs and cuss and act like a total fool. If you derived that from the aforementioned lines, you might want to run a "fool-check" on yourself before proceeding. I am merely saying this: Everyone sins, and I prefer you keep your sins where I can see 'em. If you struggle with pride, greed, gossip, vanity, jealousy and lust (LIKE WE ALL DO) then be honest about it. Speak your mind, even if it bothers you, and then speak about how it bothers you. If you act perfect all the time, there are people like me are going to walk away going, "There's something wrong with that guy, and I can't really put my finger on it." You're just not going to connect on a deep level with anyone. You will garner only spite for your weirdness. If you develop a habit of this polished dishonesty, you'll probably ruin your life like Tiger Woods did.

There's something about honesty. I'll be honest and admit that I have little grace for those who are not being honest with themselves. It is wrong of me, but there is something about those people that really gets me. Those folks who do everything wrong, who make terrible decisions that ruin their lives and the lives of others, and then act like they aren't to blame. Like they're a "good person." In my opinion, the only thing that makes a person "good" is honesty. We all screw up, but when we hold on to denial we shift the blame: It's not my problem, someone else did this to me, made me this way. I am a product of my environment, my upbringing. Screw that, you're a product of thousands of choices you made and continue to make on a daily basis. The only person to blame for your sins is yourself. The second you realize that, and start owning it, is the second you start to become a "good" person in my book. Not that my book matters at all. 

I think I'm rambling now, which is good because that's what this whole blog thing is for. If I was forcing lines it would probably lack passion and be boring to read. I guess what I'm trying to encourage is honesty in general. Be true to yourself and your peers, it might be hard and it might stir up some ugly feelings, but you will be blessed in the long run. In my book. :)

Dry-Oh-Nine

Those who know my wife and I well know that for the past  year we've politely declined to consume any beer, wine or drink containing alcohol. When 2009 started we dubbed it "Dry '09," and pledged to abstain from any alcoholic beverages, even wine for communion and champaign for wedding toasts. I think as humans we're pretty good at following absolutes because their limitations are so clear, so needless to say its been two weeks short of a year since either of us has had a sip of beer, wine or alcohol (even non-alcoholic beer made me feel guilty so I made it off-limits). The whole idea was that this year we would sacrifice something we loved in order to see growth in other areas of our lives.

The idea of fasting is an old one. The ancients used to fast from food, drink and sex for edification purposes pretty regularly. The idea is that when you sacrifice something you need or love, you will be blessed and that through fasting you may garner wisdom, have an epiphany, develop deep gratitude and ultimately grow in your relationship with God. The idea of fasting apparently has many benefits which effect both the physical and the metaphysical. I don't claim to know much about it, but I know enough to know that it's probably a good thing.

I read a book once by the Chinese missionary named Brother Yun. At one point he decided to fast from meat and eggs until the Chinese church was united as one. This tells me that people fast for results they don't fully have control over. There are stories in the Bible that mirror this one. It's sort of like an appeal to God, like a bargaining tool, "I'm giving you this thing that I love, so that you will bless this other thing."

Kristie and I both loved tasting wine and craft beers. It was sort of a hobby of ours. Whenever we would go out to eat or have a date night, well made adult beverages would probably be on the menu. This isn't to say I never drank the cheap stuff, I've had and abused my fair share of substance, but as you get older your tastes get refined as well as your motives, and you start to realize the days of 'yore' are no longer 'yours.' If you're wise, you start to learn moderation. If you're a fool, sadly, you won't. I naturally want to be a moderate, because extreme anti-ism for me is easy and I don't want to be a fool either. Moderation requires discipline and maturity, something that sounds very attractive to me. Moderation when it comes to consumption of just about anything feels like a wise idea.

Now I realize some of you reading this are underage, some are parents, and some are quite conservative. For the underage kids, I do not in any way condone underage drinking, or drinking at all in the way youth culture generally portrays it. For the parents, an honest conversation about it won't hurt your kids, trust me. I wish my parents allowed for more honest conversations about it, it could have saved me a few years of foolishness. For the conservative folks, especially the ones who think the entire idea of drinking was cooked up by Satan... you're probably going to find this whole post uncomfortable.

In our culture, band culture, beer is a fact of life. Christian band or not. Every night you play a show at a club, people are there to have a good time. They're there to blow off steam. It could be the only good time they're planning on having all month. The problem with that is that it makes the atmosphere of every night on tour a Friday night, even the Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays. Every night the promoter goes, "Where do you want your beer?" Subsequently, it is easy for a touring person to assume that life is solely about the "Hang." The "Hang" is what usually happens pre and post-show. The "Hang" is fun, and for me it has developed some lifelong friendships with guys in bands we've toured with. People in our industry rarely "Hang" without sharing a beverage or two. Say if I were to meet a good friend who was coming through town on tour, I would probably meet him at a local bar where they had quality beverages, and that is where our "Hang" would take place. There is something communal about sharing food and drink together (in Acts 2 it says twice that the early christians "broke bread" together), and dare I say there is also something communal about sharing a buzz together? Yeah, I said it.

I've seen some musicians moderately manage the "Hang" for years. Take Stephen Christian from Anberlin for instance. Every time I've seen him he's managed the "Hang" without abusing a thing. Some other musicians take it overboard. Their life becomes a party, and if you've seen VH1's Behind The Music, you know where that road eventually leads. I've always respected those who act moderately, those who know when enough is enough. 

People who make mature decisions are attractive.

The last several years of my life have been an attempt to rewrite my future. After abusing everything I got my hands on in my teens, I've tried to slowly learn the art of moderation. The idea of addiction fascinates and terrifies me at the same time. Those of you who know our music have heard and maybe related to our songs about addiction. It's a topic I relate too as well as I've known many addicts myself. Because I am terrified of addiction I have a habit of quitting potentially harmful things before they take ahold of me. When I was eighteen I decided that smoking weed created a barrier between Kristie and I, as well as between God and I, so I quit that (see post "Honesty Breeds Integrity"). New Years '04, when I was twenty I quit smoking cigarettes. I never really liked needing to smoke, and all it took was a friends bet that night for me to give it up. Of the five of us who 'quit,' I was the only one who made it, probably out of sheer stubbornness and disgust at how smoking could control a persons life, but I beat it nonetheless.  So I guess you can say I was set up to win in "Dry '09." My track record as a quitter is pretty solid.

I started to feel convicted during 2008. I would ask God, "What do you want me to give you so that I can grow spiritually again?" and a little voice would say, "Give me alcohol," and I'd be like, "Shut up me, I'm trying to listen to God." Well, that little voice kept saying it, and it wouldn't go away. Nearing the end of 2008 I gave up and decided it was in fact God telling me this. Usually a surefire sign of that 'little voice' being God is this: If what you are hearing is a good thing and you don't want to do it, chances are that you aren't the source. I'm usually the source of indulgent, ego stroking ideas that end up being curses... not the difficult, sacrificial ones that end up being blessings.

I guess my fears were that the dynamics of my relationships would change. Would I have long talks late into the night with my friends, or would I get tired and bored and dispirit? Would I lose some friends because of our lack of common ground? Would I be able to be social without my 'social lubricant'? The more I thought about these fears the more determined I was to destroy them. The fact that I actually gave them a thought told me that this social experiment was the right thing to do. I needed to go back to square one, to erase my history and start over if I was ever going to be a true moderate. I needed to start with a clean palette. 

So I decided to follow my convictions, and to give alcohol to God for one year. Kristie, being the incredibly supporting wife that she is, said "Me too!"

The truth is it was quite easy. Turns out I wasn't an alcoholic at all because I barely missed it. After a couple weeks the idea of drinking in social situations was a distant memory. Water and Diet Coke simply filled the natural "hand to mouth" inclination when we went out, and I didn't feel like I was acting stuck up or isolating myself at all. People seemed to respect my decision and left it at that. Our year unfolded into an incredible journey that I really believe we would have missed otherwise.

I never thought we would witness the amount of blessings that we did. I thought maybe I'd get that feeling that God was close to me. Some of you know this feeling, its like an unexplainable high filled with joy and peace... something that God gave me as a baby Christian to show that He existed and He loved me. I was expecting this, but I didn't really get it. I got more. 

Kristie and I have both seen our lives grow in dramatic ways. For years Kristie had felt like she was missing some avenue of expression or hobby that acted as a creative outlet. This year she found that in sewing (You can see her work at http://www.crimeredesign.etsy.com). It's been a blessing for her to be able to create things for people to wear, and I can tell it's real because she gets extremely excited (school girl giddy) upon completion and sale of her art. This is an aspect of her life that was missing before Dry Oh-Nine.

This year I started this blog as an outlet for my thoughts. I'd never written publicly before, but Dry-Oh-Nine changed things, and it turns out my mind woke up a bit. This blog has been an incredible blessing for me, and without our sacrifice I can't say that I would have been inspired to create it, let alone write in it as consistently as I have. I also produced my first full band this year, which took a huge amount of effort and time, through which I learned that producing is a real passion of mine. This is time I probably would not have carved out in 2008. On top of all this, I wrote and recorded a new TCC record this year. I wrote prolifically for a few weeks straight at the beginning of the year, something I'd never done before, and I feel like we've delivered another (yes, I'll modestly say "another" because our other records are also great) solid release.  Also, I organized week long a band trip to Haiti (see post "Haiti") which became an amazing blessing for all us in the band. This is something I probably wouldn't have chased after so fervently in 2008.

In our marriage we've experienced new heights of love and a true sense of joy this year. If you've followed along with this blog, I apologize for my sometimes incessant gushing over my wife, but it is truly the result of Dry-Oh-Nine and I blame this year for my sappiness. I can start to see the shape of our future together, or rather the potential of it to amaze me. Kristie and I can both say that 2009 has been the most pivotal year in our marriage, and that we've seen more growth in our relationship in this year than any other year of being together. 

The fact of the matter is that we've seen real change and growth far beyond what we expected going into this year and we don't want to brush it aside. I truly believe that our sacrifice to God was met, accepted and turned into a blessing in our lives, and I would be remiss if I did not give Him the credit.

So, with that said we welcome your prayers for "WET-OH-TEN!"

I'm kidding of course!